Three Tips to Overcome Lovesickness
Lovesickness implies a deep sadness and great despair that comes from the impossibility of being able to be with someone you love. The other person may not love you or may have loved you but the feeling is gone. You’re then in a situation you can’t accept, but no matter what, you still won’t be able to have what you want.
“The worst way to miss someone is to sit next to him and know that you can never have him.”
-Gabriel Garcia Marquez-
Like almost everything in life, lovesickness also entails a process of reflection, self-discovery and growth. Leonardo Palacios explains that “Lovesickness is a feeling of, in general, sadness, and it has three phases: denial, guilt and acceptance.”
Denial, according to Palacios, involves trying to recover the loss or a part of the loss. Guilt, on the other hand, involves looking for someone who is responsible for what happened. Finally, acceptance implies the consent to and understanding of the emotional rupture.
However, it’s important to clarify that these three phases or stages aren’t always fully experienced or overcome. This ends up hampering and hindering the normal development of a person in their social and emotional life.
To avoid this, here are three tips that can help you overcome lovesickness:
1. Understand that love has a beginning and an end
Perhaps the most disconcerting thing about love is that, like so many other events in life, it has a beginning and an end. Even the greatest and most complete loves in the world have to end, whether it be death itself that ends them. That is the end of the story, and this causes great pain.
Overall, it’s not necessary for death to play its role to understand that love is fleeting. Perhaps this stems in part from the dynamic nature of modern generations: everything is fast, everything flies by, and nothing lasts.
The problem is that sometimes, a story that’s destined to end winds up getting stuck in your heart.
No matter what your expectations are, love is always an uncertain territory. Plus, for one reason or another, it’s certain that when there’s love, there’s also some pain. Sooner or later, “A” or “B” circumstances always leads to its end. Unfortunately, this is the inescapable reality.
2. One thing doesn’t replace another
The eagerness to be with someone – perhaps without actually knowing why – makes it so that we sometimes changes partners like we change clothes. And when a person doesn’t properly experience the mourning of a breakup, instead of solving his problem, he’ll simply add another one to his life.
After all, “one thing doesn’t replace another.” Rather, what it does is sink into the wound and cause it to grow even bigger. The problem is that we can enter a chain of new relationships and breakups. In the end, this only leads to a deep sense of emptiness, if not depression or anxiety.
Reconsidering your emotional life is a positive step. However, in order to love again in a healthy way, you must first learn from your past experiences. Without that, it’s obvious what will happen. After all, “He who doesn’t know history is doomed to repeat it.” This is even more true if it’s your own history.
3. You don’t forget great love overnight
Lovesickness is a difficult experience. However, it is important to experience it at different times. This allows us to grow and mature. In addition, you shouldn’t forget that true learning doesn’t come from books (even though they are a great help), but from life experiences.
You can’t forget that pain is a sensation that we all naturally try to avoid. We’re not saying that you grow to enjoy pain – not at all – but that you need to be aware that sometimes it works as life’s greatest teacher. It’s a part of the wisdom of the universe. It’s an opportunity to get to know ourselves better and to remember that by being deprived of something we love, we can learn many valuable lessons.
That’s why you have to give it time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and nor are great loves or great forgetfulness. Our experiences of love are intense and complex, which is why it’s necessary to digest them properly and control the pain and discomfort they cause us. That way, we can truly learn from the situation.
There’s no magic recipe to cure lovesickness. However, remember that if you’re going through a tough time, it’s important to remember to always be tolerant. This means being tolerant with yourself, with the love one who is no longer with you, and with the powerful and surprising dynamics of this every-changing life.
