Sex In Women: The Relaxed Brain Below the Waist

Separating typical day-to-day thoughts from the pleasure of sex can be a difficult task, especially for women. Then learn the importance of relaxing and disconnecting to feel pleasure.

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas.

Written by Raquel Aldana

Last update: 15 May, 2023

It is curious, but women only enjoy sex when their brain achieves a disconnect and the neurochemical and neurological constellations line up for orgasm, fun, and pleasure.

Let us say that when a woman is aroused, her brain impulses cross the pleasure centers and trigger an orgasm whenever the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for fear and anxiety, is deactivated.

So, the enjoyment of sexual intercourse requires, in a certain way, that the amygdala be unplugged from the worries and decisions that weigh down on the mind and that can spoil the moment at the last minute.

Letting oneself be carried away by the explosion of impulses

The fact that women need this “extra neuronal step” may explain why it takes them longer than men to achieve orgasm. So, knowing this, our sexual partners have to be patient and go slowly if we all want to fully enjoy the game.

The clitoris is a small organ full of nerve endings that are directly connected to the feminine pleasure center. In fact, the clitoris has one sole function: to give pleasure and make the woman enjoy things. So the simple stimulation of this organ sets off electrochemical activity and triggers a multitude of sensations.

And so arrives the climax, produced through the effects of dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins. However, if the stimulation is not very effective, the clitoris is barely sensitive, or worries are flooding the path, the impulse cannot arrive to our brain.

This explains why the threshold of ecstasy is not possible if the woman is not relaxed, comfortable, warm, and pampered. Like they say, you have to have warm feet to enjoy sex.

The delicate connection between the physical and the psychological

Curiously enough, the delicate connection between the psycho-emotional and the physical in feminine pleasure is something that has been confusing both to science as well as to male lovers.

However, with the advances in neuroscience, we have been able to prove what it is that happens in our brain when we are about to have an orgasm. Let us see what would happen if we put a woman in the middle of intercourse on a functional MRI.

Let us imagine that the woman is in bed with her partner, and they are stroking each other. With the kisses, the caresses, and the hugs, certain areas of the brain would be reducing their activity levels while those related to the genitals and the chest would light up.

So, in light of sexual stimulation, zones like the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex will remain a calm color that indicates their low activity levels. Or rather, as we see it, in women, the neurochemical stars have to be lined up in order to achieve orgasmic pleasure.

However, in men, orgasm is something much more hydraulic, for it is the blood that has to travel to the penis to facilitate their orgasm. Experts have looked for a similarly simplistic mechanism in women, but with no success.

Scientific findings about sexual reaction in women are very behind compared to similar studies in men. As a result, there is an almost complete lack of understanding of the clitoris and, even today, no one has been able to profoundly measure the physical changes of our small, aroused organ.

In any case, what we do know is that the clitoris is intimately connected to our skin, to our brain, and to our vagina, in a way that arousal is somehow connected.

The paths of emotion

Brain division with respect to sex in men and in women translates in the same to their emotions . What usually happens is that men feel pressure from their gonads if they do not ejaculate with certain regularity. However, women need to make this trip only when they feel comfortable and safe.

Notwithstanding, the greater part of the time, sexual experience responds both to cultural motifs as well as physical and psychological ones in both sexes, it is just that the weight of certain ones seem to vary in relation to the structure and function of the brain.

For this reason, it is often that case that if a woman feels like her partner has stopped responding emotionally, she will end up thinking that her partner disapproves of her, that she has done something wrong, or that he has stopped loving her.

This is why sexual intercourse is a give and take. A woman needs to be put in a situation where she is relaxed and comfortable. She at least needs her brain to disconnect and her emotions not to stop her from achieving sexual fulfillment.

This is the explanation for why a woman cannot be angry when she is enjoying sex. Or rather, as sex therapists say, foreplay is everything that happened in the 24 hours leading up to sex.

In short, we need concentration, comfort, and disconnect, and that is why vacations tend to be a strong aphrodisiac. At the end of the day, as Isabel Allende would say, the G spot is in your head and he who looks for it below too soon is wasting his time.

Bibliographic sources consulted: “The Female Brain” by Louann Brizendine and “Physiology of Behavior” by Neil Carlson