5 Myths About Orgasms

October 15, 2015

There are certain myths about orgasms that have spread through time, across generations, and have been considered correct due to a lack of information and comprehensive sexual education. On occasion, these false beliefs can be the cause of various sexual dysfunctions.

Orgasms are talked about as if they are something very precious and important, and they are seen as a “destination” to arrive at during sex. The common message is if orgasm is not reached, it’s a cause for concerns, dissatisfaction, and frustration.

However, in reality, what’s important in a sexual relationship is authentic enjoyment and satisfaction for both partners, regardless of whether that involves orgasm or not.

Very often, we identify sex with penetration and genitals, as if that were the only enjoyable and satisfying act – this creates the false belief that the orgasm is a goal to achieve.

A satisfying sexual encounter requires many more ingredients, such as caresses, complicity, intimacy, and communication. The orgasm, in this case, is not a goal to pursue but a path to travel through pleasure.

Myths about orgasms

Here are some of the most widespread myths about orgasms:

1 – There are two types of orgasms: vaginal and clitoral

Many people maintain that there are two different kinds of orgasms in women: the vaginal kind (through penetration) and clitoral (through direct stimulation of the clitoris). The facts indicate that anatomically, only clitoral orgasms exist in women, and to avoid confusion on the topic we should talk more about the female orgasm.

All orgasms are extensions of sensations in the clitoris. This is clear, especially when you consider that the majority of nerve endings dedicated to pleasure are located in the clitoris which, as a specialized pleasure-obtaining organ, has eight thousand nerve endings.

Therefore the vast majority of women (up to 70%), as revealed by scientific studies, do not have orgasms through penetration alone, since there needs to be stimulation of the clitoris, and depending on the unique anatomy of each vagina this could be possible through penetration or it could not.

2 – Orgasm is best achieved through penetration

Just as we found in the explanation of the myth above, this is totally false. In fact it is the opposite: penetration is not the best means of achieving female orgasm.

Female orgasm is best achieved through direct stimulation of the clitoris. In addition, it is possible for women to achieve orgasm through mental stimulation, including sexual fantasies or fetishes. In this case, even though the stimulation is psychological, orgasm would still be physical.

3 – When you have an orgasm you lose consciousness, you see lights, you scream…

Not necessarily.

This is a belief that can result in a lot of frustration for people, because it leads to very high expectations about what an orgasm is.

The exact feelings of pleasure that orgasms bring depend on the individual person, and even then it is not always experienced in the same way. Moreover, pleasure is not only achieved through orgasm but throughout the entire experience of sex.

4 – Orgasm is the most important part of a sexual relationship

A sexual relationship consists of many more factors than just what gives you pleasure. A couple may experiment by getting to know better the places on their bodies they most like to be stimulated (erogenous zones), to find out what both individuals like most. In that way they enjoy the actual process of giving and receiving pleasure without the imposition of the expectation of achieving orgasms to get satisfaction.

The idea that you have to have an orgasm, most of the time, causes the opposite effect: it makes it so you do not enjoy sex as much, and you come out of the experience less satisfied than you would have without that distraction. Why? Because instead of focusing on the pleasure, you are worrying about reaching orgasm forcibly and, when you do not, you think it was a failure.


 5 – You have to orgasm simultaneously with your partner

This is a false ideal, and one that has been particularly emphasized by the media. The well-known condom brand Durex came out with a commercial that gave value to this belief.

Soon after came a more appropriate and realistic  commercial responding as a piece of sexual education with the slogan, “Each erotic encounter is your own, unique and unrepeatable.”

Simultaneous orgasm is not only very complicated, but also will likely result in more frustration than it is worth. It is like trying to sneeze at the same time.

Many people believe these myths about orgasms. We need to separating fact from these false beliefs to maintain more satisfactory sexual relationships. Liberate yourself from the worries and impositions that limit creativity and experimentation.

Let’s take charge of our pleasure!