The Real Reason Why Couples End
In one of the scenes from the movie Youth by Paolo Sorrentino, the character played by Rachel Weisz insistently asks her father (Michael Caine) why her husband prefers another woman. He tries to evade the answer and finally tells her, because she’s good in bed. This shows how with the absence of a good explanation for a break up, couples tend to invent one that protects us.
Reasons couples to break up
Divorce rates are at an all-time high. In addition, we see breakups among unmarried couples all the time. Sometimes, for fear of the reaction of our partners, we hide behind banal phrases like “It’s not you, it’s me”, “I’m not in love ” or “I’m in love with someone else.” But in the background there are reasons that we dare not verbalize. We will look at some of these reasons.
Both in relationships that are just starting and in long-term relationships, it is quite common that there is a great fear of expressing feelings. A fear that appears especially when one of the members of the couple begins to feel afraid to be vulnerable. They have the feeling that communicating their pain or their joy gives information to their “rival-partner” to win all disputes.
On the other hand, by telling the truth we are afraid of hurting them and of them hurting us. In this way, by silencing what we need we avoid the war of criticisms and pain. Thus, we accumulate and accumulate and accumulate… and you already know what happens when there is no room for anything else to fit.
Walter Riso, in his “Practical Guide To Not Suffering From Love,” argues that one of biggest reasons behind the end of relationships is indifference. Indifference is the most corrosive acid that can exist in any relationship. It sends a clear message: you don’t matter to me. I do not care what you think or what you feel, or what you do.
In addition, indifference is often mixed with pride. Why? What do you usually do when someone shows you indifference? It is customary to return it. That is, if you do not talk to me, then I won’t either. So that indifference is not only dangerous in itself, but it also makes us very stubborn.
Lack of compromise
It must be understood in the social context. Most young people increasingly have the feeling that life is very long, that they have much to live, to try, before choosing the person who they will share the rest of their life with. Therefore, the lack of commitment in the XXI century is linked to the fear of losing experiences, and having to give explanations too soon.
In people who are older, the situation is more complex and fears are often something else. Many of these people may come from having prior relationships in which they have felt betrayed, after building their entire lives around a relationship. They fear commitment because they’ve been betrayed before.
On the other hand, there are others who are starting a new relationship with small children, so the decisions they have to make and not only directly affect them; if they make a mistake the children will also have to pay.
A third person
Love is not necessarily eternal nor, therefore, permanent. Like everything changes, our feelings do too. In fact, love itself changes. It is no longer about loving more or less, but with different nuances.
The reasons why love ends according to science
Several scientists from the University of Western Ontario (Canada), selected 6,500 people (men and women) to do a study and find out the real reasons why the romantic love ends.
The study consisted of several interviews of each person in the selected group. Finally, the researchers concluded that the main reasons why couples often end are as follows:
The lack of sense of humor
Humor is essential in any area of our life, personal, professional and, of course, in relationships. A person who makes us laugh and has sense of humor wins us over, entertains us and makes us feel fulfilled and happy.
Learning to smile and to share with our partner can bring us together and, on the contrary, being too serious and losing one’s sense of humor may negatively affect our relationship. A person who is always sad or serious conveys negativity.
Lack of trust
Another reason why love ends according to the study is by a lack of trust. If we find that the other person has not been honest or lied to us, we lose trust.
Once we lost trust in our partner, is very difficult to recover, because there will be great suspicion and a lot of doubts. Overcoming this situation is a tough obstacle.
The lack of intimacy
The lack of intimacy with your partner is one of the things that often ends relationships. Not wanting intimate moments with your partner is a form of indifference and indifference, as we have said before, drop by drop ends the relationship.
Within intimacy in couples we include sex. At the beginning of relationships, sexual desire is usually strong, but there comes a time when the routine is instilled and this desire suffers. It suffers from haste, from concerns and other illusions that compete with the one we love.
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