Pleasing Others? Time To Start Looking After Yourself!

Pleasing Others? Time To Start Looking After Yourself!

Last update: 22 March, 2018

Has pleasing others become more important than being yourself ? Have you become something that you aren’t just so that more people will like you? When you sacrifice who you are, you lose yourself to the point of forgetting who you really are. You no longer know what you like, or what you want. You have handed over the key to your life to other people.

When you sacrifice who you really are and become what others want you to be, then you are paying a high price for obtaining approval and a false feeling of appreciation. Because, the truth be told, it isn’t you that they like, but a false you. You’re just showing them a mirage.

You haven’t yet realised that life is not about seeing who can sacrifice the most so that others will accept them. It is all about discovering yourself and then offering the best that you have. If you decide to be who others want you to be, then you will be vulnerable to their manipulations and the unease caused by trying to be something that you aren’t.

“Whatever you do, you will not be able to please everyone. Believe me: you do not need anyone’s approval in order to be happy “

-Walter Riso-

When you sacrifice who you are, you begin to suffer

From the moment you sacrifice who you really are, suffering will become a constant companion in your life. Your eyes will be fixed on the people around you and you will be filled with worry and guilt. You will be on a constant state of alert, especially in the face of possible criticism and disapproval.

When you sacrifice who you really are, you try to please, to make everyone like you and to be accepted- whatever the cost.

This situation instead of making you happy, may cause you to spend entire nights crying. Anxiety and stress will have settled in permanently. “You have to …”, “You must be …” are the thoughts that will fill your mind. You don’t know where these demands came from and why you are feeling so agitated.

It seems as if your opinion doesn’t count, in fact it doesn’t even exist anymore! The only thing that counts is what others say. Moreover, you never question the way you act towards them. You give it everything! But … have you ever wondered why you don’t feel good about yourself? Why do you have that feeling of being out of place when you have done everything that’s been asked of you?

Pleasing others - boy in sea

Pleasing others – getting the balance

From a young age you’ve been taught to please your neighbor. You lend a hand when other people need it, you offer your support and encouragement and you’re understanding of their shortcomings.

You’re very flexible with others and sometimes you forgive huge mistakes. But it seems you don’t treat yourself the same way. You beat yourself up, and you’re very self-demanding, wanting to be perfect, thinking that if you don’t do things right, then others won’t accept or love you.

You think that if you say “no” then others will reject and hate you, and that you’ll even lose friends as a result. However, what would happen if one of your friends said “no”? You’d understand, right? So, why don’t you allow yourself to be just as you are, to say what you think and what you want? Why don’t you let yourself be honest, for once and for all, instead of pleasing others all the time?

We often have a blurred concept of what we should be like. Because of that, we put our own needs to one side, when in reality we are the only main players in our lives. Our focus is lost, we are going down the wrong road and we’ll pay a high price for it.

We don’t look after ourselves, we worry about pleasing others, we deceive ourselves, we pretend, we lie. All for the sake of a few smiles and a few compliments. What on earth are we doing?

“Being yourself in a world that constantly tries not to be, is the greatest achievement”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson-

It’s time to strengthen your self-esteem

When you sacrifice who you really are in favor of pleasing others, it is likely that your self-esteem is in tatters. You depend on other people in order to be happy, and even then it doesn’t work.

What would happen if the friend you had bent over backwards for stopped talking to you? What would happen if your partner left you? And if your boss sacked you tomorrow? In any of these situations you’d have to face it all alone. You’d have to find that person that you used to be, the real you that you sacrificed for the handful of smiles that others offered you. The one you had denied.

There are moments in life where you have no choice but to pick up your broken pieces. Pieces that are broken because of the little attention you gave yourself. This is the only way to strengthen your self-esteem.

Butterfly on a hand

It isn’t selfish to take care of yourself, to help yourself in times of despair and sadness. Wanting to be alone and not seeing anyone is totally permitted. You need to pamper yourself, listen to yourself, be with yourself.

We are afraid of what others will say, but we aren’t afraid of losing ourselves, nor forgetting to be happy for ourselves – the most important things of all.

The time you waste pleasing others is not at all profitable. It makes you vulnerable and toxic people can use it to manipulate you at will. Forget about being always looking out for others, and devote time to looking out for yourself.

“Daring to set limits is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we run the risk of disappointing others “

-Brene de Brown-

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.