We Are No Longer Who We Used to Be

· May 28, 2017

We are no longer the same people we were back then, when everything seemed both near and far. We will never be the people we used to be because life requires us to change. Not being “who we were” means we have been fortunate to have had experiences that changed us and to have learned from them.

It’s often easy to confirm that those around us have changed and therefore, so has our relationship with them. Other times, we find it difficult to understand that we are different as well and realize that the mistake is to look to the past with today’s eyes.

When we ourselves change

It makes sense to state that we usually define ourselves in terms of key events that have left a mark on us and that we know we’ll remember forever. These events can be the result of interactions with reality, from a trip to a romantic disappointment, and even the anxiety of having to face a mortgage payment.

Let’s say for example that we are leaving for another country for some time. There, we’ll have to adapt to its people’s way of life, to customs different to our own, and perspectives that will open up our mind. Or another example could be believing we have found an unconditional friend and finding out it’s not true.

Whether the experience is good or bad, it’s enough for it to fill us up with feelings. We will never forget true happiness, nor will we forget our falls. What remains after going through the experience will be the model of what we are today. Our essence is the same, but we are not.

 

When our social circle changes

If we must change as individuals others will too and therefore, so will all the relationships we share. When our social circle changes – family, friends, our partner – it’s helpful to be adaptable to change.


However, it may also happen that the changes lead to break-ups. We thought we fully knew the people and we didn’t bear in mind that you never know someone completely because we are constantly growing.

 

“However, what do you want me to say? Time overcomes everything. It defeats us without compassion, terribly and brutally.

Because one day you meet her on the street, she kisses you lightly on the cheek and smiles – “they’re waiting for me” – and leaves.” 

Rodolfo Serrano

 

When someone in our social circle leaves, it hurts us deeply and it looks like our world comes tumbling down. Only time and effort makes us capable of finding that person again and confirming that the wound has healed. Once again, we will realize we are no longer who we were.

We are no longer the same

Time puts us in motion: it goes over us, it shakes us up, it teaches us, it uncovers us and more than anything, it doesn’t let us remain indifferent. In fact any day, even if it looks wasted, has meant something. We are constantly deciding and when we do, we allow ourselves to be carried along.

 

“When we thought we had all the answers, suddenly all the questions changed.” 

-Mario Benedetti-

 

To get lost is fine even though it doesn’t look that way on the surface. It doesn’t matter if we got lost in the sky, as when we are kept in a cloud of permanent happiness or if we got lost because we stayed on the ground for too long. Both things have been our teachers and they will have reshaped us a little bit more, both physically and psychologically.

What is important is to have the courage to continue getting to know ourselves and the certainty of knowing how and who we are. In this way, we will be able to to give ourselves to everything else fully and find centers of joy that fill us up. In other words, if we shine through our changes, we will help others to shine with their own.