Your Need for Approval Distances You From Your Essence

· December 18, 2015

The competitive society we’re living in causes us to feel a need to be liked by the people surrounding us, for survival, to get what we want and so as to not leave the boundaries of the “norm.”

This need to be liked can strike at any time and through any medium; for example, it’s common nowadays for people to expose themselves on social media with the sole purpose of being “liked.”

The clearest example we have is on Facebook and Instagram, where people are constantly on the lookout for “likes,” and a lot of people even dedicate huge portions of their time to doing meaningless tasks and showing everyone their private life in order to get them.

Seduction in order to be liked

Seduction is often used as a sexual term to attract a person we like, but we use the term “seduction” as a means to please others in general, and in all areas of our lives.

Seduction is something everyone develops throughout our lives. All the way back to when we were babies, we tried to seduce people to get what we wanted.

Seduction is an innate ability that helps us survive. A baby uses her smile and tenderness to seduce, to attract her caregivers; so that no matter what it entails, with just the slightest gesture, the baby can get the attention and outcome she wants.

cute baby


“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
― Oscar Wilde

Our repertoire of seduction appears in everyday situations, such as job interviews, relationships with parents, family, friends, partners. Using precise behaviors; like saying things they want to hear, smiling and showing the best of ourselves at that exact moment.

We’re completely focused on being liked and on getting what we’ve set as our goal, and we aren’t even aware of it some of the time; it happens automatically when faced with the opportunity for an interaction in which we may able to obtain personal benefits.

Overcoming the need to be liked

When wanting to be liked becomes a necessity, in such a way that we do anything to be liked by everyone, we’re losing ourselves and leaving our essence and honesty in the dust.

We completely forget what it is we really want, because in striving to be liked we adapt to all kinds of circumstances related to other people. We also realize that it’s impossible to be liked by everyone, so if that’s what we’re after, it will be a source of constant frustration our whole lives.

swirl art person

Trying to be liked by everyone is quitting being yourself in an attempt to fit the ideals of others; we don’t show who we truly are and thus lose all our essence and particular charm.

That charm will be the thing to make people like us and accept us as we are, without creating false expectations that will eventually be unmasked and end up breaking apart our relationships, because they were built on lies.

Our particular charm, finding our true essence; is what enriches us and brings us closer to people from a place of honesty and trust, so we can establish stable and satisfactory bonds, without barriers to stop us from showing who we really are.

girl running beach

Finding our essence involves accepting our mistakes and our shortcomings, and recognizing and appreciating our strengths and potential.

We are better liked, and we better seduce, when we allow ourselves to really show, when we appreciate the person we are, and are equipped with the confidence of not needing to be liked to feel amazing. After all, the most important person to like and love you is yourself.