Love Should Be Nurtured Every Day

October 20, 2016

I want a love that’s present, that’s shown through little details, that has no expiration date. I want a love that doesn’t take anything for granted or bring me to tears. I want a love that gives me peaceful days full of true affection, and afternoons full of eternal hugs.

We all want a relationship with these characteristics, but we often forget something essential: relationships require daily work. You can’t nurture affection through emptiness or absence. You need an authentic presence so that your love can grow.

Love is a thread that unites two hearts, two lives. It needs daily light to show it and inner strength to maintain it. If there are no details, there is no essence, and without essence the thread breaks.

Often, when we’ve been in a relationship for a while, a daily enemy called “routine” appears, which is characterized by taking things for granted. You start to think things like, “there’s no need to do this or say that because they already know how I feel,” or “I’m sure it doesn’t matter because I know that they love me,” or “It doesn’t matter how much time passes, because feelings don’t change.”

These thoughts are erroneous because nothing should ever be taken for granted. Even mature relationships have their doubts, and need daily displays of affection, words, and gestures that build reciprocity and authenticity.

The language of love

heart plants

Love, like life, changes and transforms. Relationships go through different stages that bring different needs with them. However, affection is always the same, and should be offered through a particular language.

The language of love is the language of enthusiasm, of hope that makes our eyes glow, of desired caresses and intimacy.

Maybe today’s passion isn’t the same as it used to be, but now a new phase has begun, a deeper phase with tenderness and understanding, where the same love and the same needs exist. And all of this should be nurtured every day.

When love is not nurtured every day, doubts and shortcomings develop. Sometimes, this absence of affection does not mean the love has gone away, it just means that it’s settling into a stage where for one of the two, it’s enough to just be present, without needing extra details and gestures.

One of the main problems that can occur in romantic relationships is that one of the members needs more affection and attention than the other. There’s an emotional discord that can cause problems if it’s left unattended and unacknowledged.

A common enemy at this stage in a relationship is the appearance of inverse empathyIt involves imitating the negative behavior of one’s partner to get their attention and hurt them. If they forget to call me, or if they go out to dinner without telling me, I will disappear this weekend to get back at them.

These are harmful, counterproductive behaviors that don’t lead anywhere. Problems aren’t solved by causing other problems. Partners should express the shortcomings they feel to make each other aware of the situation.

beach flowers

Love based on reciprocity

It’s not always easy to find a partner that accommodates our quirks, our flaws, and our sharp edges. What’s important is finding a relationship that fits with your valueswhere you can grow as a couple as well as individually.

I don’t want an antagonistic relationship where one person always wins and one person always cries. I want to dance under the starry sky and get older peacefully. I want to know that everything I’ve lived and experienced was worth it.

A relationship that isn’t nurtured each day will end up unraveling beyond repair. That’s why you should keep the following in mind:

Understand the way your partner expresses their love

Sometimes we feel like our partners should show their love the way we want and expect them to. However, if they don’t tell you that they love you every day, it doesn’t mean that they feel that way. If they don’t say yes to everything, it doesn’t mean they’re not taking you into consideration. Evaluate the details, reciprocity, support, and authenticity that they show.

The language of love will always be the same regardless of the actual words that are used: you should simply know how to understand and appreciate them.

Every action, word, and gesture should be authentic

In some daily gestures, affection is explicitly shown in thousands of details and hundreds of emotions. But these should always be authentic.

Love shouldn’t have to be forced. It shouldn’t be shown out of obligation through constant “I love yous” and gifts. It’s better to use surprises, unexpected gestures, and sincere hugs, instead of a routine where words lose their meaning.

Love is not just wanting; it’s understanding, being present, and giving the gift of happiness.

sleeping couple

Images courtesy of Mila Marquis, Christian Schloe