The Importance of Having Someone Nearby when Everything Collapses

The Importance of Having Someone Nearby when Everything Collapses
Sergio De Dios González

Written and verified by the psychologist Sergio De Dios González.

Last update: 27 January, 2023

It is so important to have someone there when everything collapses. When the weight of life crushes our back and makes us feel small. In those moments when we’d be willing to make a deal with the devil to escape the misery. We feel like no one is closer to misery than us.

Mere mortals, more mortal than ever. It’s not about having someone to take us to the surface. We just need someone to stop our fall. Someone to come over a few hours with nothing but time and say, “I’m all yours. You have my five senses. My touch to hold you, my ears to listen, my mouth to offer words of comfort, my soul to mingle with yours.”

Three types of loneliness for those who do not look for it

There are three types of solitude people don’t seek out. The first one we’ve all felt. It’s the feeling we get when we are surrounded by people but don’t feel connected to any of them. Just like how we don’t feel connected to the air that rustles through our hair or the sun that warms our face.

Our inner turmoil makes us feel terribly unique and alone. The odd man out.

This type of loneliness typically disappears when the crowds go away and we’re left with only the important people. When the party is over and it’s time to clean up. Stack the glasses, eat the last pieces of food, and throw away the empty bottles. When the music goes off and you realize how much you missed the absence of meaningless vibrations. Empty.


The loneliness of the first, the last, and the loner

There is a second type of loneliness and it is what those who are the first or last feel. Those who are working on a project that entails a long, winding journey. A journey without much of a map. That kind of loneliness makes us great, it makes us strong.

It tests our limits. It’s about doing something that we don’t really know how to do, but doing it anyway. Though disconcerting, these experiences are of vital importance.

This loneliness is more positive. It leaves a taste of freedom on your lips. A feeling of “Go!” 

In these situations, we have to be our own friends. We’re creating a path for others, we’re forging ahead alone. Perhaps others have walked similar paths, but we can’t shake the feeling that no one understands us. After all, they haven’t lived our life. They haven’t walked our particular path.


The worst loneliness

The last type of loneliness is the worst. It is to look around and not see anyone. To feel like people are receding into the distance even as you step forward to chase them, until there’s no one left.

You would like to think that, eventually, you will surface from this dark water and everything will be as it was before. Just like when you swam as a child, you’ll return to the surface and grace will give you breath. However, now it’s not just your lungs that burn… and you question whether you really want to come back to the surface at all. It’s different now. You feel like no one will miss you.

It feels like there’s nothing left. You can open your eyes, but there is no light. Only the shadows, getting smaller and smaller, of those swimming above you as you sink. You feel like you are getting farther and farther away, your shouts inaudible to those above you. You begin to think escape is impossible. You close your fists and grab at the water, but it slips through your fingers.

But sometimes someone slows you down, catches you for a moment, and you regain your faith. You feel silly for having lost it, for having misjudged the distance between you and the others. Some will care enough to stop your fall. Others will stop it for just a moment.


You don’t have to go through depression alone. If you are having suicidal thoughts, talk to someone right away.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.