I Almost Forgot That I Don’t Love You Anymore

March 14, 2018

It was today, after our fleeting, polite encounter, that I remembered once again that I don’t love you anymore. We lost everything that once made us special. Our kisses at red lights, the way we held hands as we walked, those sweet goodbye hugs

Everything that made us dream of building a better world together has vanished. The things we thought were ours and designed just for the two of us. The things we thought we could overcome… Those things look down their noses at us right now, reminding us we just weren’t strong enough to pull through.

For a moment I almost forgot what happened. But instantly, I come to and realize that we no longer add up to one; we just add up to two. My mind still has a hard time believing the idea and valiantly tries to brighten my days with the memories of when we were together…

Even when my mind tries to trip me up, I don’t love you anymore. Our story has already come to its end. I ran out of willpower to keep fighting for something that maybe just wasn’t for us. You couldn’t paint a smile on my face anymore. I don’t love you anymore because you didn’t add anything to my story.

I don't love you anymore.

Everything we experienced had its time to shine

When our eyes meet again, and we laugh at an inside joke again… When our special language without words works again, and we remember something we experienced together. Maybe then, I’ll forget. Maybe I’ll doubt myself. But then I’ll have to come back down to reality and accept that everything we experienced together already had its time to shine.

The past had its chance, and it didn’t write a story. We were a tale that ended, which we lived passionately, not rationing the love we felt for one another. Time didn’t give us a break to look ahead and see what was coming. We lived fully, the good as well as the bad. And that’s precisely the reason why I don’t love you anymore.

We’ll keep bumping into each other. We’ll still share some moments. But they will no longer be ours. They will no longer be filled with love and magic. These moments won’t be bricks on a path we’re building towards something bigger, something better.

These moments will no longer be an indispensable part of my life. In my memory, they’ll just get lost or join the rest of my memories. Things that aren’t worth as much anymore. Because while at times I may forget, I don’t love you anymore.

A couple is surrounded by lights and holding candles.

No more saying  “I love you,” no more love…

The time to say “I love you” is behind us. The time to show “I love you” without saying a word is gone. Now, only polite kisses on the cheek and friendly greetings are left, the kind you give even if you don’t have an ounce of love in your heart.

I almost forgot that I don’t love you anymore when we ran into each other… but when you told me that now you’re walking through life now with someone else, I realized that those kisses now belong to someone else’s lips. I almost forgot, but no; I don’t love you anymore.

Now I just wish you happiness. Meanwhile, I’ll keep the small fragments of you that still belong to me. I’ll settle for that. Even though I’m no longer the owner of your “I love you”, sometimes I forget that I don’t love you anymore