How to Develop a More Attractive and Charismatic Personality

28 September, 2020
Charisma is the ablity to attract, charm, and influence the people around you in an authentic and spontaneous way. Are you interested in developing this trait? Today, we'll explain how.

Is it possible to have a more attractive and charismatic personality? Although it’s impossible to completely transform who you are, you can certainly train yourself to improve certain characteristics that’ll inspire others.

The late author P.D. James said that some people possess genuine charm. True charisma comes from the heart. You can’t fake it. Consequently, one of the keys to developing that spark in your personality that attracts and motivates people is to be sincere.

If you try to force it, you’ll distance people. They’ll be able to tell right away that you’re faking it. Humans have a fairly accurate radar for fake smiles and attitudes. If you really want to be more charismatic, remember that you can’t force it.

What often makes people attractive isn’t their physical attributes. Instead, their self-confidence, positivity, and simple kindness make people feel at ease right away.

A guy with a big smile.

The keys to developing a more attractive and charismatic personality

The first question we need to answer is what makes a person charismatic. When we talk about charisma, we’re basically talking about a social skill. It’s the ability to attract others, have an influence on them, and do it in a natural way. You have to be able to read people (and be charming enough) so no one is indifferent to you.

Charisma can be extremely helpful in your professional life, not to mention your social life. Charisma gives your personality that stroke of positive enthusiasm that makes people like you. That way, you leave people with a positive feeling that improves communication and makes it easier to find common ground, among other things.

You might be asking yourself if charismatic people are born or made. The answer is that anyone can learn to be charismatic. The strategies to develop a more attractive and charismatic personality aren’t complex or mysterious.

Although philosopher and psychologist Max Weber described charisma as a “supernatural gift”, we now see it in a different light. John Antonakis from the University of Lausanne (Switzerland) has spent over a decade researching this subject. His 2011 study, Can Charisma Be Taught? Tests of Two Interventions is one of the best references available today.

Enthusiasm and assertive communication

People who love what they do are always attractive. Their enthusiasm shows their passion for life, people, and everything they believe in. That positive energy and motivation are two of the most important parts of developing a more attractive and charismatic personality.

The other essential component is assertive communication. You don’t want to be one of those people with a sickly sweet personality or someone who tries to make a joke about everything just to get a laugh. Your charisma has to come from a place of self-assurance and serenity.

That’s why you have to learn how to communicate assertively. Speak confidently and respectfully. Know how to set boundaries and assert your rights.

Self-confidence (combined with simplicity)

If you’re too sure of yourself, people might interpret it as arrogance. Find a balance to make sure you don’t become narcissistic.

The goal is to develop charisma in a healthy, respectful, and humble way. Self-confidence and humility are the only paths to becoming genuinely charming.

Knowing how to listen and the importance of facial expressions

Good communication skills are important, but they’re only part of the whole package. If you want to be more attractive and charismatic, you have to know how to listen and what your facial expressions are saying to the other person.

  • If you’re a good listener, you’ll make the speaker feel comfortable. This also makes them feel validated, accepted, and that the thing they’re saying is important and interesting.
  • On the other hand, try to always maintain eye contact. Another subtle but important strategy is to learn how to “smile” with your face.

To develop a more attractive and charismatic personality, you need emotional intelligence.

Charismatic people are memorable because they’re masters of emotional intelligence. They understand how to regulate their mood to come off as calm, positive, and approachable. As we mentioned above, these aren’t things you can easily fake. As a result, if charisma is your goal, you can’t be trapped by your frustrations, anxieties, and fears.

On the other hand, charismatic people have a highly developed sense of empathy, excellent social skills, and are great at connecting with others. If you want to make your mark, you have to know how to touch people’s hearts. That’s why empathetic communication is key. You have to know how to recognize other people’s emotions and make them feel confident.

A woman with a charismatic personality.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable

People who try to seem invincible aren’t usually very approachable. That’s because they’re distancing themselves from the very thing that defines us as human beings. Thus, if you want to be more attractive and charismatic, don’t be scared to show your vulnerable side.

Being vulnerable also makes you more genuine. There’s no reason to pretend to be something you’re not. If you stop trying, you can stop being scared to make mistakes, get emotional, fall, and fail. Charismatic people carry their humanity like a banner.

In conclusion, learning to be more charismatic isn’t as hard as you might think. All of us are capable of touching the hearts of those around us and having a positive influence on the world.

  • Antonakis, J. (2017). Charisma and the “New Leadership”. In J. Antonakis & D. V. Day (Eds.), The nature of leadership(3rd ed., pp. 56-81). Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications.
  • Antonakis, J., d’Adda, G., Weber, R. A., & Zehnder, C. (2015). Just words? Just speeches? On the economic value of charismatic leadership. NBER Reporter, 4.
  • Antonakis, J., Fenley, M., & Liechti, S. (2011). Can Charisma Be Taught? Tests of Two Interventions. The Academy of Management Learning and Education, 10(3), 374-396.