Five Truths that Emotionally Mature People Accept
Emotionally mature people know that life isn’t always easy or fair. Therefore, they don’t hold anyone responsible for their happiness or suffering. Likewise, they don’t expect anyone to hold the key to their well-being. They’re the only ones responsible for their decisions. They’re the architect of each step they take and choice they make.
The concept of emotional maturity represented one of the pillars of Albert Ellis’ theories. For those who don’t know about the father of cognitive-behavioral therapy, he’s one of the most outstanding figures in psychology.
He wrote more than 80 books and 1800 articles, trained more than 200 therapists, and created an institute that bears his name. This institute teaches people to identify, challenge, and replace their negative beliefs with healthier ones. Those healthier thoughts promote well-being and emotional growth so that people can conquer their goals.
It’s important to have basic tools with which to facilitate our growth and maturity as human beings. These keys or principles, which we’ll talk about next, contain the essence of Albert Ellis’ work: to make suffering more manageable.
1. Emotionally mature people understand that the world isn’t what they want it to be
Many of us would like to change the past. We’d like to finish writing a chapter, re-read it, and decide to erase certain paragraphs so that the story makes more sense.
However, whether we believe it or not, sometimes life is meaningless. Unexplained things happen that we feel obligated to accept.
Emotionally mature people have learned that they can’t change people. This is because you can’t wait for others to act how you want or say what you want. All this undoubtedly leads to unnecessary suffering.
2. To be happy, you have to take responsibility for yourself
Bertrand Malle, a cognitive psychologist at Brown University, conducted a study in 2004 to analyze the relationship between happiness and the way in which we understand personal responsibility.
Believing that what happens to us is in other people’s hands generates discomfort. It’s like living like an ostrich, just hiding your head while you blame the world for your own failures.
We obviously don’t have control over every aspect of our reality. However, we can choose how we react to it. That’s the key.
3. You can change whenever you want
Emotionally mature people allow themselves to change. Changing means growing and adjusting after learning something.
Growing often means leaving things and people behind to reduce the burdens that limit us and erode personal worth and well-being. It implies being courageous and making clear resolutions. You have to understand that your potential lies in making periodic changes.
4. You must carry an emotional compass in your pocket
We need an emotional compass in every life journey. It should always direct us toward a path where fears don’t weigh us down too much, where we’re not anxious, and where our nerves don’t slow us down.
Emotionally mature people have learned to handle emotional states that bring undesirable consequences. They learn from every experience.
Your emotional compass must remain well-calibrated. You can achieve this with experience and being more attentive to internal states, irrational thoughts, and emotions that bring out the worst in you.
5. You don’t have to be in love to be happy
Emotionally mature people don’t seek love obsessively. They don’t avoid it, but they don’t need it either. If there’s one thing they understand, it’s that continuous emotional growth matters most. The important thing is to continue to learn together with someone who enriches your life, someone who doesn’t veto emotional values, but rather drives and expands them.
Thus, the love that knows balance and allows everyone to follow their goals is the only one that can fit in the heart of emotionally mature people. They prefer loneliness over unhealthy relationships. Well-being and personal satisfaction are more important to them.
To conclude, you should know that no one comes into this world as an emotionally mature person. It’s something we learn with time.
