Five Questions to Help You Discover if You Really Love Yourself

15 February, 2020
If you really love yourself, your emotions and life in general tend to feel balanced. Self-esteem makes your plans and relationships more fluid. It also makes you stronger and more prepared to face both wise decisions and mistakes.
 

If you really love yourself, life gets easier. This is in part because self-love is related to self-esteem, and self-esteem is a fundamental pillar of good mental health. However, the esteem that you have for yourself changes. There are times and stages when you’re likely to love yourself and others when it’s hard to see your good side.

When you really love yourself, life flows and makes sense. Plus, it becomes more likely that you’ll make good choices and your relationships with others are open and positive. So, if things aren’t going well, it’s important to ask yourself what it has to do with you.

Some questions can help you figure out if you love yourself enough for that love to help you. It’s a guide that doesn’t cover every aspect, but it does touch on the most essential ones. With them, you can review how you see and treat yourself. Here are the five questions.

1. Do you accept your flaws and limitations?

Accepting yourself means understanding that you make mistakes and have flaws and limitations. However, that doesn’t make you mad, upset, or even embarrassed. It’s not about settling. It’s about not having any problem in admitting that, like other humans, you’re in a process of growth.

Self-acceptance shows that you love yourself or at least that you give yourself a chance to. To take advantage of it, you need to know yourself first. You also need a realistic, comprehensive, and accepting perspective of what it means to be human. This means not comparing yourself to others but recognizing and giving value to your own story and uniqueness.

 
The figure of a man watching the sunset.

2. Do you value your virtues and accomplishments? A key to knowing if you really love yourself

Just as important as identifying flaws and limitations is recognizing your own virtues and accomplishments. Above all else, you must give them credit. This credit doesn’t depend on others’ judgments, but on the significance that you give them. Only you know how much effort you’ve invested to get to where you are. Only you know how you’ve grown.

Pride in what you’ve accomplished with your own effort is proof that you love yourself. That pride isn’t vanity or arrogance but a feeling of dignity that stems from a serene perception of who you are. Valuing yourself isn’t bragging, it’s knowing that you deserve respect and appreciation.

3. Do you understand and forgive yourself?

Understanding and forgiving your own mistakes isn’t as easy as it always seems. It gets simpler if what’s at stake isn’t decisive or if others don’t see it as important. On the other hand, when a mistake has a major consequence or those around you criticize you, it stops being easy to forgive yourself.

Nobody likes making mistakes, even though they help you grow. You want to do and say everything right but that’s not possible. If you really love yourself, it’s easier to go through the process of recognizing a mistake and the annoyance of having made it and then accepting it, learning from it, and forgiving yourself.

 
A transparent man with birds in a forest.

4. Do you allow yourself to express emotions even if others don’t like it?

Everyone has faced someone that’s questioned their feelings. Surely, you’ve been in a situation in which your fear or your sadness was doubted or judged. You’ve probably even fallen into this temptation before with someone else.

If you really love yourself, doubts or criticism from others won’t keep you from expressing what you feel. You’ll understand that you have a right to show what’s in your inner world. If the rest don’t accept or tolerate your emotions, then they have a problem, not you.

5. Do you take care of your body and mind?

One of the clearest manifestations of loving yourself is that you take care of your body and mind. These can be things such as paying attention to your diet, exercising, meditating, playing sports, reading, or just having fun.

When you really appreciate yourself, it makes it more likely that you’ll build the kind of life that you want. You prioritize work but also rest. You prioritize goals but also leisure. The same goes for professional development and social relationships.

 

Human beings are dynamic. Although your self-esteem can change a lot, when you work to boost it, you may help keep it at a steady level. It’s worth making an effort for it to stay there, as this makes your life joyful.

  • Bonet, J. V. (1997). Sé amigo de ti mismo: manual de autoestima (Vol. 36). Editorial Sal Terrae.