Why We Fall in Love with the Impossible

Why We Fall in Love with the Impossible

Last update: 26 January, 2017

Perhaps it is because we read or see many stories of love or we really like suffering. However, there are not too many logical explanations for why we fall in love with the impossible.

That which we cannot have — whether it’s the boyfriend of a friend, a movie star or someone who is not for us — is usually what we find most appealing and attracts us. Of course, the heart often has reasons that reason does not understand, as the popular saying goes. But if the impossible is something frequent in your life, maybe this article can help you.

Looking for answers to our quest for the impossible

Did you spend more than one time “eyeing” someone you couldn’t have for different reasons? Do you ever look at a person who is married or engaged? Do you love forbidden situations?

Of course everyone has the right to do what they want in life, but the problem lies in how much we suffer for our decisions, habits or choices. In the case of falling in love with something impossible, the reasons could be:

Valuing what you cannot have

It happens in several areas. We always want what is missing, what is unobtainable or what is unique. This applies when we shop, when we look for a job… or when we like someone! For example, in the case of falling in love with a married man, you might think that if he is “taken” it is because he is really worth it. So, if you noticed him and are sure that there are more people who value him positively, your attraction increases.


The attraction to challenges

Since we usually have a very monotonous and routine life, we look for ways to change our day to day. Therefore we choose go on vacation to an exotic destination, eat in a restaurant that offers international dishes or look for a difficult person to win over.

We cannot take the routine anymore and one way to break it is by breaking the rules in some way.

The lack of confidence or self-esteem

It may be love, but it also applies for other purposes. There are many people who only know how to set almost impossible goals. By doing this they can assure themselves that they are not completely at fault in the case of failure .

Of course, this is an explanation that they have nothing to do with. Failure to achieve the objective set is only the result of the difficulty of the objective itself. However, they never say that they chose the objective by betting beforehand that they would fail.

Fear of commitment

This is another one of the “excuses” for not having a serious relationship and settling for spending some time with someone who must then return home, or look at our work colleague and pining for their smile. Just as  subconsciously you do not want to commit, they choose someone they know they will not match them.

Incorrigible romanticism

Many women love to think that they are princesses or protagonists of the stories told in novels and movies. Of course, because the end of the stories are always beautiful… “and we live happily ever after”. Imagining the other is the prince of our novel will idealize him to such an extent that there is a horrible fear that this love could be a reality.


Can we learn not to fall in love with the impossible?

Yes, of course! You have to show the best of yourself and trust you can do it. Before anything, think about the reasons or excuses that lead you to choose the wrong people. Then put these tips into action:

Pay more attention to those who care about you

This does not mean you have an obligation to fall in love with your best friend or someone who helps you at work. But often you’re so focused on unrequited love that you do not give yourself the opportunity to open the spectrum and look around.

Remember that life is not a movie

If you are expecting the knight on a white horse to come rescue you from the evil witch and that this guy must fight a dragon on top of a castle, you’d better wake up. Not only because dragons do not exist or because you don’t live in the Middle Ages, but because idealizing a relationship may be preventing you from meeting the love of your life.

Leave aside negative thoughts

Thinking that dating someone who is married is “the best thing I can aspire to” lowers you too much and you do not deserve it. Believing that falling in love with the impossible is the best way to avoid commitment may have to do with a previous relationship that made you suffer a lot. Feeling sure that you’re unlucky in love is not helping you to meet your “other half”.

Trust your abilities and personality

Perhaps the love is unrequited because the other person doesn’t even know all the good things you have to offer. Do not hide your personality! Remember that you must first love yourself to receive love from others.


One way or another, some people are determined to turn love into an element of torture or a utopia, just like perfection. By projecting their feelings about a person who they cannot attain, they are sabotaged from the start and are imprisoned by shackles from  the possibility to feel a love that they can touch, laugh or kiss.

* Edit Note: This article is aimed towards women, but we shouldn’t forget that this is not an exclusively female phenomenon. The same number of men, or even more, are also determined to end their love before it starts and, therefore, we think that they can also implement these recommendations.

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This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.