Our reality, vital cycle, and daily life are inside a circle that demands perfect harmony. Otherwise, it’d be impossible for everything to work out. For the flow of that circle to be perfect, it’s necessary for us to understand that we can either accept things as they are, let them go, or try to change them. Any form of resistance is an obstacle in our path. All denial of this absolute truth is another blindfold covering our eyes.
One aspect that’s very present in modern psychology is the importance of learning how to let go, to make changes, and to accomplish closure. Something that seems very easy to do, and even revulsive, hides a reality that we can¿t overlook. Not everything in our lives can be changed, nor can we “uproot” ourselves from certain places and realities in which not everything is black or white.
“What you deny or refuse subdues you. What you accept transforms you”
-Carl Gustav Jung-
You could have a really bad relationship with your boss, but love your job and get along really well with your other co-workers. For example, you could have a very complex relationship with one of your parents, with big ups and downs. However, you don’t have to break that bond permanently because of this.
The point of all this is very clear: you live on a canvas where gray colors, in-between blues, stormy mornings, and bright afternoons abound. There are aspects of life that take away your tranquility and, sometimes, even your personal balance. However, everything that surrounds these spots of oscillating adversity is significant to you.
In which way could we confront these situations, so we don’t have to keep experiencing our happiness “halfway”? Below, we give you some answers to this question.
There are some things we can accept, but not until we make some changes in ourselves first
Nowadays, it’s difficult to cope with terms such as acceptance, since we live in a world in which consumerism invites us to dispose of our belongings. To trade in the boring for the stimulating, and the old for the new. For many of us, the things we accept distill a certain defeatism. It gives a certain sensation of “I have no other choice than to…”
Let’s now visualize an obsessive and controlling mother with whom we’ve always had a complicated relationship. The time comes when we ask ourselves the obvious question: What should I do? Do I stay away from her forever or just accept the situation in silence? Acceptance therapy won’t ever tell us we have to give in, nor let ourselves succumb under her trickery or negative influence. Let’s take a more detailed look at this theory.
The keys to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
According to the acceptance and commitment therapy, suffering is often a part of our lives. However, it’s necessary for us to learn how to manage this suffering, as well as understand it and transform it into something different. If we put psychological rigidity into practice, we won’t do anything but nurse that vicious cycle. Hence, we would lose the opportunity to freely choose the behaviors we want to apply to our everyday problems.
- It’s good to recognize your emotions. Accepting isn’t assuming. It means understanding what’s happening with you and how you feel when you’re with certain people or when you do something specific.
- You have to learn to live in the present. Waiting for things to change, for others to act as you expect them to, is a waste of time. Your controlling mother won’t change her attitude. Your exploitative boss won’t become an expert in emotional intelligence next month.
- Once you’ve become completely aware of how things are and that certain people won’t change their behaviors, you’ll accept them just the way they are.
- That said, accepting them doesn’t mean accepting the way they treat you. You must remember your values, principles, and necessities in order to create a real commitment to them.
Things we can change or things we leave behind
You know there are things you accept because you have learned to deal with them and with the impact they have on your life. Because, after all, the rest of the aspects that surround you aren’t important, and you can let them go, move on, and build real happiness.
Closing a door in order to open a different one isn’t a mistake. It’s true that happiness is never a guarantee when you make a change. Nevertheless, your worst failure would be to stay in a place filled with disappointment, where your self-stem shatters itself in a silent scream and dies.
Learn how to apply this simple principle to your life, where fear or indecision has no place. You can accept things as they are, let them go, or try to change them.