If Criticized, Act With Greater Drive

· May 29, 2017

Whatever you have in your mind, dare to make it a reality. They are going to criticize you regardless. It is not even worth to hide in your own holes and surrender to the bitterness of  your insecurities. Living to the fullest is the art of turning a deaf ear to empty and malicious words. This is how you walk away from mediocrity and dance into the extraordinary.

It is very  interesting, how many suggest we should always take away some sort of lesson from criticism. As if most of the daily reprimands we receive stem from a positive and constructive intention. 

“Our criticism is always based upon qualities, we believe to possess, yet they are lacking in others”
– Jules Renard-

That said, in reality, a considerable number of the criticisms we receive are neither useful nor enlightening. Quite the opposite. They are simply detrimental to our self-image and self-esteem.

It is often  said that, above all, individuals seek validation from their counterparts. This is the reason why it is so difficult to accept criticism. This statement is not completely true. Human beings, rather than validation, seek respect. More than praise, we value “being and letting be”. Therefore, many of the criticisms we receive in our day to day overshadow our life  style, identity and life mission.

Criticizing yourself only hurts you

You have your way of getting things done, your own obsessions, your peculiarities  and your unique style. Others might not understand. They will be confused. They will dare to unwisely disapprove and criticize you for simply being the way  you are. For doing things the way you do them. Therefore, their reproaches have little to no benefit, but they do have collateral effects.


The punitive messages that amount to nothing and only seek to humiliate are harmful. The closer we are to the person the greater the negative effects. The famous theory of the 4 riders of the Apocalypse developed by John Gottam on the causes predicting the end of a relationship, identifies criticism as one of the main triggers.

It often starts in a subtle, almost imperceptible way. However, little by little, persistent criticism becomes a spiral in which ingredients such as feelings of  resentment, contempt or revenge become part of  the mix.

Criticism will always rise as a trigger of unhappiness if based on the following principles:

  • It condemns the personality, not specific behaviors
  • It is not focused on  improvement, but in the attack itself. Aiming to underestimate, humiliate or reflect the rage of the very same person who’s been offensive.
  • Criticism also leaves a mark when it implies there is only one way to do things right. The one imposed by our partner.

Relationship experts tell us, those who exercise continuous criticism know fairly well that communicating like this does not improve things. In fact, they criticize and verbally attack to protect the ego. It is a maze of slow destruction, we need to get out of as soon as possible.

We are not perfect, but our imperfection makes us authentic

At this point of the conversation we need to set the record straight . If those who truly matter  in our lives do not allow us to be our true self because of continuous criticism and belittlement, that bond is of no use. It is not authentic but rather it’s harmful. Their main motivation is to constantly remind us, how clumsy we are, how bad we do things,and our lack of resourcefulness. That way and with these tricks, These people take a place of power and infallibility.

“He has the right to criticize, who has the heart to help.”

-Abraham Lincoln-

Let’s consider it for a minute. It has been  very difficult for us to get where we are. It is already  a great accomplishment to keep our self-esteem afloat daily, by managing our own self-criticism, and distinguishing between the useful and the detrimental reproaches. Let’s not carry on our backs the weight of those that seek only to validate their emptiness with our insecurities.

You are not perfect. Those shades of imperfection are no harm to anyone. They define you as a person. Do not allow others to criticize you for being who you are, for doing things the way you do them, for behaving the way you do or for defending the values that shape your heart.

Never build walls to keep your desires or projects in. Don’t do it just because around you, an ocean of objections and warnings opens up. Pay attention to them. Judge them objectively. Once you know they are empty and groundless criticisms, let them run through the drain. A drain where poisonous words, self-centered desires and selfish warnings go to die.

Always be assertive and apply a purifying filter allowing through only objections that really help you grow. Turn a deaf ear to what is neither useful nor respectful.