Breathe, Have No Fear. True Love Endures

Breathe, Have No Fear. True Love Endures
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 15 November, 2021

True love is born when kindred spirits meet. It is secured when two mature and conscious minds are united in mutual respect, when they love each other freely and decide to make the journey together. Therefore trust and don’t be afraid. Don’t sow seeds of doubt and uncertainty in your heart. Authentic love will last, what is beautiful will take care of itself and will not cause pain.

We know that today many people don’t believe in love because when they’ve tried it, they have experienced great disappointment.  People trust even less in the word “durability.” How can we achieve it? We live in an age of programmed obsolescence. Everything has an expiration date. At the same time, philosophical trends like that of Zygmunt Bauman, father of liquid modernity, or the ever-challenging Slavoj Zizek with his harsh ideas of social disillusionment, paint a picture of a reality in which nothing lasts and what does transcend is not very positive.

“Love is not looking at each other. It’s look together in the same direction.”

-Antoine de Saint Exupéry-

So we find ourselves in a present in which most of us feel socially dissatisfied and change is the order of the day. In this environment, how can we trust that lasting dimensions still exist? How can we believe in stable emotions, in eternal love, in relationships that never throw in the towel?

Sir Francis Bacon said that humans are willing to believe that which we would like to be true. So to build something true, a happy, satisfying, and long-lasting relationship, we can’t just trust in love but believe in it. We must invest our time, effort, and affection in that special and loved person. What we love, we care for, and what we care for is more likely to last. 

true love endures embrace

True love endures in times of crisis and neuroscience

Love in times of crisis is not easy. Nor is it easy during economic struggles. Millennials, for example, don’t have the means or resources to be independent. They can’t build a stable foundation on which to have a relationship with reasonable expectations for the future.  It isn’t easy for the unemployed who enter into a period of crisis. Unemployment can be a stage of uncertainty and anxiety that impacts a person’s self-worth. Their life plans are directly attacked and negatively affect their personal development. All of these things affect the nuanced canvas that is a romantic relationship.

True love knows how to walk skillfully along a tightrope. We know that life isn’t easy, but 24-carat, tough-as-nails love knows how to maintain balance in the face of hardship. It sticks around during external crisis and especially during internal ones. True love doesn’t give up even during those moments when you doubt yourself, you lose hope, your self-esteem and your convictions suffer.

A good partner, a conscience lover, and an exceptional person knows how to be our center, our north star, the brightest in the night sky, the one who guides us home.

Most of us can admit that we don’t care about neuroscience’s explanation of love. That it is simply the result of three ingredients: dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine. We don’t care because the neurobiological reality doesn’t tarnish the magic of love or knowing how to love, not even a little bit.

true love endures purple sky

True love: unexpected luck that must be cherished

Stephen Hawking said once that love is much more complicated than physics. He said that sometimes we spend so much time looking at the sky that we forget that the most important things are here on earth. For whatever reason, we neglect love even when we know that the feelings are real and that we are with the right person. The reasons that we behave this way are complex, varied, and sometimes incomprehensible.

“Love isn’t just about desire, it is, above all, about understanding”

-Francoise Sagan-

Love is strange, there’s no doubt about it. But as Haruki Murakami says in Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman, it only comes along every once in a while. Finding someone who precisely understands our mood, someone with whom we can communicate with perfectly… That is unexpected luck that not everyone gets to experience.

So, if we happen upon this marvelous chance, why not do the best we can with it? Why don’t we plant our feet firmly on the ground, center our hearts, and lift our minds to a level where maturity and responsibility reign?

It is definitely worth it. The one who saw us when we were invisible to everyone else, deserves everything. The person who wants to be with you without needing you will care for you as you deserve. It will be a slow burn, patient but alive, allowing time and happiness to forge a long-lasting love.

true love endures purple

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.