Bad Times Bring Out Our True Friends

November 14, 2016

Certain friends in our lives help keep us from falling during our most complicated moments. Friends that offer us their time and affection so that we may feel better. A shoulder to cry on that won’t ask for anything in return. Instead they obtain satisfaction when we get that emotional relief we so desperately need during hard times. These are our true friends.

That’s why, as people tend to say, during your worst times, you’ll find out who deserves to be there with you during your best times. Because these people are like your anchor to reality. They are a source of support, a latch to your life and the good things it holds.

That’s why our time, wrapped or not, is a marvelous gift. A gift that is based on reciprocity. A good that is so appreciated, that we should be very careful with who we give it to. Not every cause is worthy of it.

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Emotional communication, your foundation during hard times

We tend to think that the people around us should read between the lines. To the question “What’s wrong?”, we tend to answer with “nothing”. Or simply say a few words. We make the mistake of being stingy when it comes time to put our most anguishing emotional experiences into words.

This obeys a form of magical thought based on expectations. We think others should know how to distinguish and behave at every given moment. This is a mistake. And as a result, we are being unfair.

So, watch out! Be careful with making the mistake of thinking others can guess our conflicts or our unease. If we don’t communicate our story explicitly, many of the people around us may not understand the severity of our state.

It is dangerous to play the guessing game. As you have probably already experienced, it is common that if we let ourselves be guided by “expectations”, we will make a tremendous mistake.

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In relationships, the phrases “I would do it for you” or “you should have sensed it” do not apply. No. It is important that we let our mood be known and for us to ask for help directly. No matter what you might think, this doesn’t make you vulnerable.

It is good for us to be selective with whom we tell of our battles, our story.

We choose whom we allow into our lives.   Thus, when someone lets us down, we should also analyze our behavior as well in the most objective way possible. We should avoid thinking things like “If I were them, I would have…”. Instead, we should try to put other words to our conflict and disappointment.

Trying to be a bit of the devil’s advocate, we need to try to step out of who we are and step into another person’s shoes. Step into their thought patterns, their emotions, into their reality. This will spare us more than one disappointment.

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When the communication flows: emotional support

It is marvelous for you to count on people who are “there for you” in your life, precisely when you need them. That is unquestionable. Hugs and shared silences complete us during moments in which emotional voids haunt us.

Portrayed in their permanence is the face of sincere appreciation, kindness, of the metamorphosis of the relationship, the thrive, of the unbearable unfathomable sadness, of our disconnection, our impatience, our desperation, of our self-deceit.

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Those people are the ones who have listened to us when tears flooded our eyes. They have stopped the blows that we attempted to strike at ourselves. Blows fed by our fear of someone else causing within us an even deeper wound. 

It’s not that the presence of those we love most requires great gestures or visits of courtesy. Instead, we’re talking about company, words of encouragement, pep talks when you need it. Thus, the people who are with us when we are not attractive or pleasant, when we rant about our frustrations and injustice, when our suffering doesn’t allow us to be considerate… These people deserve to be by our side during the good times.

Those who remain by our side when we are lost in the darkness deserve to accompany us during our moments of great luminosity. They deserve appreciation, warmth, affection and joy. They deserve a celebration worthy of them. They deserve to be rewarded with reciprocity.