Avoiding Heartbreak: Jumping from One Relationship to Another

· July 27, 2018

When you go through a breakup, the pain and suffering you feel can be very intense. These emotions might even make you think that the end of your relationship is unbearable and you need a quick solution. In fact, to heal a broken heart and avoid feeling bad, some people think about jumping right into another relationship.

However, is starting another relationship immediately after a breakup really the best option? Will a new relationship really help you heal from an old one? If you let a new person into your life, will they cure all your troubles? Because of all the unexpected consequences that this can have, we can’t give a general answer. You have to think about this option carefully. Let’s dig a little bit deeper into this…

Breakups

Breakups are very common. In fact, they happen every day, for all kinds of different reasons. Jealousy, indifference, insecurity, lack of trust, personality differences, mismatched life goals, lack of tolerance… There are endless reasons that can lead to a breakup.

getting over a breakup

Society has changed over time, and with it, the types of relationships we have. These days, it’s easy to find people who are in and out of relationships. They go from one person to the next without asking themselves why they’re doing it. 

It’s true that not everyone changes partners so frequently. However, doing things quickly, even relationships, is characteristic of this day and age. Maybe that’s why people seem to think that finding a new relationship will cure all the problems they had in their last one.

Having to deal with a breakup, and all that comes with it, might not be pleasant. However, it’s quite necessary. At the end of the day, it’s a grieving process. This means you have to go through a set of stages in order to reach emotional balance.


What happens when you end a relationship?

Anxiety? Fear? Loneliness? When you end a romantic relationship, you’ll experience all of these emotions and more. That’s because a breakup implies change. At the same time, you have to deal with the uncertainty that goes along with it. Not to mention the resulting pain of a broken heart. Things won’t be the same as before, your daily routine will be different. Not only that, but you’ll be flooded with reminders of your ex. Consequently, you’ll have to constantly deal with the reality of their absence.

When you end a relationship, you lose the place you had as part of a couple. That means that part of your identity gets lost in the breakup. At the same time, you develop a sense of emptiness that you don’t want to deal with or don’t know how to. The pain of heartbreak often makes us do things without thinking them through.

As a result, many people choose to start a new relationship or fling to try and fill the emptiness they feel. It’s one way of dealing with the reality of a breakup. It lessens the pain and distracts you from the memories, whether they’re positive or negative.

A broken heart often makes us act impulsively to try and ease our pain.

woman crying

The pain of a broken heart can disguise itself if you don’t deal with it

Starting a new relationship shortly after a breakup can temporarily make you feel better. It’s like taking a painkiller. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your broken heart is cured. Think about the breakup like a broken leg. Your leg won’t hurt as much if you take a painkiller, but you won’t be treating the real problem.

Let’s say you do decide to be with someone else. If you haven’t taken the time to deal with what happened, you’ll bring your old relationship problems to your new one. You might end up seeing flaws and problems in your new partner that aren’t really there. In contrast, if you take the time to go through the grieving process, you can analyze what happened. You can release the feelings that built up after the breakup so that you no longer feel anger when you think about your old relationship.

One example of the baggage that you carry with you into a new relationship is comparisons you make between your former partner and your new one. You might also be afraid that the same thing will happen. This might make you feel mistrust and jealousy. All of this is a consequence of not having taken the necessary time to heal. You need time to feel secure again and to be able to turn yourself over fully to the new person.

You must take enough time between one relationship and the next. If you don’t, memories of your ex will make you feel sad. The anger will come back. You’ll also repeat negative patterns from your last relationship. In short, you’ll be going through the grieving process that you didn’t go through before. The bad thing is that you’ll be going through it in your new relationship. This won’t help your relationship be healthy and positive. On the contrary, it could quickly become toxic or dependent.

sad man looking through the window

Breakups involve a grieving process that you should respect. Getting over a breakup doesn’t mean forgetting the experience. The important thing is to remember it without painOnly then will you be able to start a new relationship in a healthy way. You won’t have to compare it with the old one in order to assuage your feelings of emptiness and loss.

In practice, it’s hard for a new relationship to help you heal from an old one. Only you can do that. You have to manage the loss and the emotions before you’re ready to let a new person into your life.

“That’s the way man is, cher monsieur. He has two faces: he can’t love without self-love.”

-Albert Camus-