Accept Yourself Unconditionally

· August 11, 2016

We’re all born with a little bit of unconditional self-love, but over time we start to lose it. It takes time to accept yourself unconditionally. Negative experiences and problems with other people can make it so that you have to relearn how to do it all over again.

Accepting yourself unconditionally is not something that happens all at once. It’s a process that takes a lifetime, so be patient and remember that good things take time.

We’re born with innocence and love, but over time we learn to distrust and fear. It’s time to unlearn all of that and start again from the beginning.

Do you accept yourself unconditionally?

Every argument, criticism, problem, or difficulty you have will make you lose a little bit of self-love. We’re all put in these negative situations that chip away at our self-confidence. But we’re not usually aware of this until we start to feel bad about ourselves.

Do you want to know whether you accept yourself unconditionally or not? If you agree with the following statements, then maybe you don’t.

  • You feel out of place in certain contexts or situations.
  • You feel like you don’t deserve the love of others.
  • You compare yourself with others constantly, always feeling inferior.
  • You think that you’re not good enough for others.
  • You don’t take risks in life for fear of failure.
  • You hold back so much that you can’t be yourself.
  • You don’t like to be alone with your thoughts.
woman with a ship shirt

If you identify with any of the above situations, don’t worry. It’s normal to not accept yourself unconditionally, because since we were young, we were taught to be socially accepted. But as a consequence, we lose some of our authenticity.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

-Oscar Wilde-


We become what society wants us to be, and even though there are those people who stand out, everyone seems to be cut from the same cloth. But there are things about you that you’ll never find in another person. This is what makes you unique and authentic.

Maybe you walk differently, talk a mile a minute, or don’t take things as seriously as other people say you should… You have many qualities that don’t necessarily coincide with those of everyone else. But the norms that governed your upbringing have limited you, and little by little you’ve started to correct everything about you that other people didn’t like.

It’s very hard to break away from all of this because it makes you feel strange, different. In order to start loving yourself unconditionally, you have to make great effort to leave behind all those beliefs that you thought were correct.

To Be Loved, First You Have to Love Yourself

Rediscover who you are

Accepting yourself unconditionally means you have to know yourself through and through. This might seem easy, but it actually isn’t at all. To get to know yourself, spending time alone is key. You might be afraid of what you’ll find, but it won’t be anything strange to you. After all, it’s you!

Do you know what you really like? What you really want out of life? Where you want to go? What makes you happy? You’re probably doubting your answers right now. Of course, some of these questions may not have answers, but to figure this out, you have to take a look at your deepest self.

woman with wine, cat, and book

When you discover who you really are, in all your flaws and virtues, accept yourself. Don’t be tempted to fall back into everything that other people say you should be. You could be very talkative and brave for saying what you don’t like, but you never express this side of yourself because other people might reject you, and that’s not a good thing.

This is a good time to start to change the situation and accept that some people will approve of your behavior, and others won’t. You will feel much better once you start to express yourself freely, without being afraid of other people’s reactions.

Don’t compare yourself with anyone, keep your head high, and remember that you’re not any better or worse than anyone else. You’re simply you, and nobody can take that away from you.

It’s very important that you don’t criticize or judge yourself for any reason. There are plenty of other people who already do that for you, and it’s not good for you to follow in those footsteps. Accept the way you are and be proud. You are different, and not everyone is going to like you, but that’s okay!

Connect with your deepest self

Even if you’re successful and you’ve achieved your highest goals, even if you know that accepting yourself unconditionally is your best option, you’ll continue criticizing yourself and feeling uncomfortable. You’ll have to fight against this constantly.

We usually tend towards our social selves, in which we feel more secure, even if we feel out of place. We think this is the right thing to do, that the acceptance of others is more important than self-acceptance, but these beliefs do nothing but confuse us.

That’s why it’s so hard to connect with yourself, to reclaim that self that has nothing to do with the social self that you display in front of other people. Your true self is authentic and pure. It’s not influenced by anyone or anything else.

“Don’t be bitter about your own failure or blame it on someone else. Accept yourself now, or you’ll keep justifying yourself like a child. Remember that any time is a good time to start, and that nothing is so terrible to give up.”

-Pablo Neruda-

Are you aware of the limitations that you put on yourself? Do you ever give yourself time to discover yourself? Unconditional self-acceptance is something that requires a lot of effort and hard work. But the result will make you feel so much better.

watercolor face

Learn to value yourself as much as you deserve and believe in yourself so that nobody else has to do it for you. Learn to accept yourself unconditionally. You are an authentic and unique person with a lot to contribute. Don’t deny yourself the chance to get to know yourself, or to accept yourself unconditionally.