Whoever Really Loves You Will Make You Happy

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 15 November, 2021

“Whoever really loves you will make you cry.” It is quite possible that throughout your life you have repeatedly heard this phrase. And while it is true that the popular proverbs are usually right most of the time, in this case we need to question this common expression.

Instead, we should live by the belief “Whoever really loves you will make you happy.” Why should we cause suffering and tears to the person we love?

It is often said that love is the most irrational feeling that exists: it is passion, madness and obsession… And as such, suffering is an inevitable part of this emotion that is so human and so blinding.

But love should never be blind, we should never launch into a relationship with a blindfold or with our self-esteem in someone else’s pocket.

You need to build a conscious, mature and responsible love. And it is important to never forget that whoever loves you will not hurt you. Whoever loves you with integrity and respect, will seek to make you happy at all times.

Love that knows how to build itself each day makes us happy

Think of love as a small flame that you find…that finds you. It is a fire that enlightens and comforts us, but which we must rekindle each day to maintain it, to envelop us with more intensity and perfection with its light, with its heat, to make us even happier.

Love must be given with the maturity of two people who are complete, who don’t build a relationship on sacrifices, but rather on sincere acts that strengthen the bond, that displace the ego to prioritize the couple.

If we accept the idea that love means having to suffer, we will be much more permissive from the beginning to certain things: withdrawal, limits, manipulation and selfishness.

We can worry about the other person, and suffer for their well-being in certain circumstances. However, this kind of suffering has nothing to do with the controlling, manipulating, and jealousy that we are led to believe are part of real “love.”

Whoever says he loves you today and leaves you tomorrow to then return after a few days doesn’t love you: he hurts you.

Love is not excuses, it is not seeking reproach or irony that which hurt with words. None of this makes us happy, and none of this would come from a heart that knows respect, that knows what is real, mature and responsible love.

To love is to rejoice because the other person exists. To love someone is to feel joy inside and look to make the other person happy every day.

I object to suffering anymore in love

We know that there are many who have decided to close the doors to love because they are tired of suffering. Because their hearts are full of wounds of disappointment, traces of disillusion and voids from disenchantment.

To love consciously and safely, we must first learn to love ourselves. And although a dignified solitude will always be worth more than a company of shortcomings, a new “I love you” with a more sincere voice will be worth it to cure the disappointments of yesterday.

We all have our thorns, our sorrows of the past. However, love is an adventure that will always be worth it, at any time of our life. To do this, we must keep the following in mind:

• We must be clear that sometimes love is not eternal. Therefore, be careful not to give everything for nothing in return, tend to your personal growth, do not put work, dreams and friends aside… Do not leave behind what defines you, or at a given time allow yourself to lose everything.
• Love without being dependent: depend on yourself but never stop building love in every detail, to encourage every gesture, every word. Create but encourage your self-esteem, your identity…
• Offer yourself in freedom and integrity, without fear, without the rancor of yesterday, without insecurities that others must solve for you. Be brave and show courage for what you want, and what you want is to be happy and not hurt.
• Do not look for a perfect love or an ideal relationship. It does not exist: a relationship is built every day, fitting your corners with my voids, your rough edges with my softness, my shadows with your light…
• Real love involves growing together in hard times. It is wanting and understanding, it is surviving with friendship, enjoying the passion and building a simple complicity, without artifice or falsehoods.

Images courtesy of Zac Retz