Some Absences Represent A True Victory

Some Absences Represent A True Victory
Sergio De Dios González

Written and verified by the psychologist Sergio De Dios González.

Last update: 28 July, 2022

Absences hurt, but it is a pain that gets weaker and goes away with the passage of time; however, the pain of sharing our lives with someone who hurts us is long and very deep. A friend, a family member, a partner can embitter our lives, but it lies in our hands to distance ourselves and live a full life.

If a person undervalues you, they do not love you; if they critique you to hurt you, they do not love you; if they insult or mistreat you, they do not love you; if they ignore you or simply do not take your feelings into account, they do not love you. Isn’t it better not to have a person like this in your life? That really is a true victory.

“Don’t worry about the people from your past, there is a reason they aren’t in your future.”

Paulo Coelho

Girl Sleeping Under Owl in Tree

People whose absence is a success

With certain kinds of people, we have to create a safe and healing distance, a distance that makes us feel like we are ourselves and we can live in an atmosphere of security and well being. Below, we present to you some of the kinds of people whose absence is a true success.

The pessimist

This person can show up in many different aspects of our lives: among our friends, in a romantic relationship, at work. The first thing that we have to do is identify them. This is a person who does not stop complaining, who thinks everything is bad and everything is against them. Their passion is reproaching others with no just cause.

This is really a person with low self-esteem, the kind of person who likes to share their worry. It is human to worry, but only when this is a worry that seeks solutions and that helps us, that is healthy and positive and not paralyzing. It is a matter of looking for the opportunity to grow in every situation and not coming to a standstill.

The manipulator

A manipulator will make you believe that the best thing for you is coincidentally the best thing for him as well, so you will find yourself doing things that you do not want to do. These are people who know how to manage emotions and use that skill to their advantage. A manipulator is a specialist at identifying your weaknesses so that you will do what they want.

For this reason, it is important to identify them as soon as possible, but we have to take into consideration that a manipulator can have many facets: a person who is always a victim and makes you feel guilty for their misfortunes, a person who is aggressive and whom you prefer to appease than to confront, a person who uses your words against you, turning them into things you did not say.

The possessor

A possessor will stop you from forming relationships with other people, will isolate you, and make you believe that you are better off that way. This is a person for whom you are just another object to be owned by them and only them. They tell you things like, “You are mine.” With that type of person, it is better for them to become an absence, because nobody should own you. You are a person, not a thing; you have feelings and emotions, you live and breathe, you form relationships with others. You are human.

The aggressor

An aggressive person likes to argue, they like to make verbal attacks, they feel powerful in this way. Their aggressiveness is their raison d’être. There is no just cause for it except for their own insecurity and lack of self-esteem. Flee as soon as possible from such a person. Love and believe in yourself. Do not let anyone undervalue you and make you feel inferior. You are a person and as such, different from everyone else, neither better nor less. You are unique.

“If being with someone implies the destruction of oneself, then it is better to be alone.”

-Walter Riso-

Accept the caress of solitude

We have the deeply rooted belief that in order to be happy, we need other people in our lives. We need to have a partner, we need to have friends. But happiness is something internal, something that concerns each one of us as individuals, something that does not depend on other people but rather on ourselves.

Woman Hugging Moon

There are people with millions of friends who are profoundly unhappy because they make their well being depend on others. Think about something that makes you happy, be it riding a bike, writing, or reading. All of those things will keep making you happy, independent of other people, because the satisfaction that comes from doing them is inside of you.

Therefore, you should accept the caress of solitude. Let it know you and accept you. Let it surround you and invade your life from time to time. Take advantage of the silence, of your own space, of going out to walk and observe others while you enjoy your thoughts. Feel how the absence of people who make you feel bad is a success.

“Loneliness does not weaken me, it strengthens me, fills me with a strange thing that nourishes me. I speak of night. He tells me stories, stories that are true. They are true.”

-Chavela Vargas-

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.