5 Keys To Improving Sexual Communication

August 19, 2019

Love is a recurring topic in thousands of conversations, books, and movies. Art, with its countless variants, has explored all of love’s nooks and crannies. We love talking about the emotional aspect of love, but not about the physical aspect. If sexual communication is so essential in any relationship, then why is it often so poor?

The answer to this question possibly lies in historical and religious factors. For years, a one-sided view of our own sexuality has been forced upon us. We’ve been taught how to think, what is (supposedly) right or wrong, and that there are things we shouldn’t talk about.

And this is a concept that, apart from being flawed, is simplistic. It lacks a variety of perspectives, it generalizes all couples, and prevents the flow of sexual communication. Sex is part of our own nature. This is why we must accept it and enjoy it.

However, this doesn’t mean that we always have to follow our instincts. We’re human beings, not animals. We have the ability to discern right from wrong and we must not force ourselves to do something we don’t want to or aren’t prepared to do. The most important thing in these cases is talking about it with our partner since we share intimacy with them.

5 keys to improving sexual communication

Sex isn’t purely physical

If you’re in a committed relationship, it’s because you have chosen to be in one. There are people who rather stay single or be in open relationships. Both options are just as valid as yours. But if you have a stable partner, then remember that any relationship that wants to move forward needs a certain balance. 

Besides, if one of the parts of the relationship fails, it can affect the other parts. Sex isn’t something purely physical, it’s also emotional. It’s a marvelous part of a relationship that we must cherish. This is why we must ensure good sexual communication. When there are feelings involved, even if the sexual act resembles that of an affair, it’s much deeper and complicated.

Sexual communication couple in bed.

Goodbye taboos

A couple must trust each other to be able to survive. Reflect on the following ideas. You don’t have to share absolutely everything with your partner. We advise that you keep some things to yourself unless it’s something that affects both of you. It takes two when it comes to sex. Therefore, your partner’s opinions are a valuable source of information and it’s wise to hear them. 

If you have any problem, you could talk to a sex therapist. You might feel ashamed to do this, but you should remember that it’s their job to help you out and offer possible solutions. People go to the doctor if they have the flu or to the dentist for a toothache, so why shouldn’t you do the same with sexual problems?

Try to have conversations instead of blaming

We all might have sexual-related problems. Most of the times they aren’t even related to an illness, but to psychological issues. This tends to highly affect the quality of the relationship. That’s why we need to be understanding and have some patience.

If we see that our partner is suffering because of that, we must open up every possible way of communication. We can learn what we need to improve on from listening to what they have to say. Suggesting or saying “It’s not that serious” may cause a lot of problems. Difficult times are great opportunities to show our partner that they can count on us.

“Love does not need to be understood, it needs only to be shown.”

-Paulo Coelho-

Share what you like and what you don’t

This is a big inconvenience that stems from a lack of sexual communication. Even in this century, there are people who are incapable of telling their partner what they like (or don’t like) because they fear their partner’s reaction. Put aside thoughts like “What will they think of me?” because that’s not what matters.

If your partner changes their opinion of you because of a simple suggestion, maybe the problem that’s affecting your relationship is deeper than you think. If they really care about you, they’ll hear you out and will try to find a solution to what’s making you uncomfortable.

Couple talking about their sexual problems.

Don’t do what you don’t want to do

If something doesn’t really convince you or you don’t like it, then don’t do it. Your body is yours and your partner has to respect that decision, even if it’s hard for them. On the other hand, the fact that your desires have to be respected doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t show some empathy. Without a doubt, empathy will help ease the conflict so that it doesn’t escalate. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it, but belittling, ridiculing, or ignoring your partner won’t help either.

Sexual communication is paramount between two people that love each other, so much so that you should make an effort to preserve it, even if there’s conflict and you don’t know how to act. Sex is important in all relationships, which is why you must talk about it with your partner.