Sexuality is ones of the aspects of life which conditions and enriches it the most. Throughout history it has been suppressed, punished, liberated, criticized and even manipulated. Sexuality in the modern world is different. We are hypocritical towards our own propaganda: sexual content is consistently surrounding us and yet when it comes down to reality, statistics show that dissatisfaction is the main player.
“There are as many types of sexuality as there are people on earth. The same goes for feelings.”
We perceive sexual performance as a determining attribute towards our happiness. With the continual release of new apps and websites, it’s never been easier to meet new people. Racking up sexual encounters, recounting our latest conquests in great detail and turning down those who we didn’t like upon first impression are now all the norm.
If we have all these hundreds of possibilities in our reach, then why do we never feel satisfied? The fact that the worlds of sex and of love are so readily available and presented so superficially is part of the problem. Relationships are increasingly based on two elements: frigidity and an absence of boundaries. For this reason we have become robots undergoing “sex without sex”. This is pushing us to desperately search for a change in roles and sexual identity so as to return order to this a void full of chaos.
Sexuality in the modern world can be mechanical
Today’s generation of youth is less sexually active than that of any other period in time. How can this paradox exist? Being continually and excessively exposed to sexual attraction and interest has caused us to develop a lack of exactly that. It’s overbearing. It’s destroying the quality of our sexual relationships and provoking an inability to love naturally and to connect with others.
What is at the base of it all? An ideology focused on authority and trade. Ideologies become engrained in us, we are a mass complying to the system. We turn people into simple goods, into another number on the list, into an interchangeable product. Selling ourselves used to be the worst thing, now the worst thing is selling ourselves cheaply. In other words, these days it’s inconceivable to not become a part of the supply and demand of the sexual market. We frown upon not putting your most desirable self up for auction and not finding the highest bidder.
We’ve confused value and price. How? By putting our own values and principles second, and labelling people according to criteria like their image or purchasing power. We require labelling in order to feel safe. We don’t tolerate uncertainty and frustrations well and thus we prefer to select people based on the frivolous adjectives that simplify and dilute the cocktail of possibilities.
We look to satisfy our whims under the “Carpe Diem” shield and we constantly avoid anxiety by searching for pleasure. With this pretext we narrow the selection process down to two options: we like it or we don’t, and with a fleeting swipe of the screen we move on to the next product.
Conformity is an anaesthetic
Thinking we are choosing when in fact we are being made a part of the herd, lacking critical conscience and responsibility towards oneself and others are both factors directly contributing to personality loss. We put social mimicry before our own freedom in order to be a part of this circus. We need to be with someone and we don’t care what price we have to pay.
We lose ourselves among people and choose to be another number in the crowd so as to not feel alone. Together, we are throwing a never-ending masquerade ball where no one reveals their true feelings. This conformity is driving us to accept relationships which leave us feeling empty and even giving in to things that realistically, we don’t really fancy and are certainly not sure that we want to do them.
We’re afraid of freedom. Individual freedom means having the ability to break away and to decide for ourselves whether we want to put distance between each other. It means not depending on him and above all it draws us out of conformity and forces to take responsibility for our decisions. It pushes us to make decisions based on our own criteria and to get to know ourselves.
Putting an end to making others responsible is an act of bravery. By identifying our mistakes and wounds we can start being aware of our own actions and the decisions that we make. Not understanding ourselves and being afraid to listen to our inner thoughts only reveals an embellished reality where we are an accomplice to a silenced suffering. We must start by putting our own lives in order.
Authenticity is key
We live in a century where individualism reigns. So how can we overcome it? The first step is allowing ourselves to connect with our true form of being and with our feelings. Facing our good and bad points will help us relate to one another in an authentic way, and to live a healthy and satisfactory life.
Sexuality enables us to communicate our most intimate feelings and fantasies. It’s is a source of pleasure and can be expressed in many ways. Sexuality can be influenced by an interaction of various factors: biological, psychological, social and ethical, and it is precisely through its complexity that we can show our most authentic self.
One of the characteristic of sexuality is emotional connection, meaning developing and establishing meaningful relationship with others. Perhaps by leaving behind all the superficial types of relationships, prejudices and labels, we will be able to know someone in a more authentic and genuine way. Building natural and satisfactory interactions enable us to fully experience and enjoy our sexuality.