There Are People Who Deserve You and People Who Don't

There Are People Who Deserve You and People Who Don't

Last update: 06 February, 2017

There is a basic rule to maintain our emotional health: determining who deserves us and who doesn’t. To do this we must separate the good from the bad to assess our relationships. We do not deserve someone who searches for us only when they need us. Selfishness is unhealthy and therefore, it is better to keep it out of our lives. Nor do we deserve indifference, inattention or abuse. These are maxims or principles that must be unshakable.

It’s not that others are bad people, but rather that our relationship cannot be healthy. Feeding a negative bond full of pain opens wounds that are dangerous for our emotional health.

hand with a little bird

We are what we say

In order to determine what makes us feel good and what does not, we have very clear emotional messages that are healthy for us. In other words, we must analyze our inner dialogue. But what is our inner dialogue?

Our inner dialogue is the way we communicate with ourselves and it is critical for the management of our self and our self-esteem. Therefore this must be positive and give us confidence, security, vitality and projection.

Also, if our self usually relies on sentences like the following, it is difficult to attract good attitudes and relationships in our lives:

  • I’m bad, I deserve to have someone leave me.
  • I’m not worthy of love.
  • No one will appreciate me or love me.
  • No one cares about me.
  • People feel really bad for me.
  • I deserve the criticism.
  • I’m weak.
  • I am ugly.

We know the effect the words of others have on us. However, we don’t usually ask ourselves how the way we talk to ourselves influences us.

hand touching a beam of light

If we find ourselves in a negative internal dialogue we must take action on the matter and begin to give ourselves positive and emotionally intelligent advice. So, if for example we believe we are “worthless” we should tell ourselves: “I’m worth a lot because…”.

The thoughts we have determine which neurochemicals are released in our brains. This means that, for example, our brain creates thoughts that block or promote the secretion of serotonin.

This is much more complex, of course, but this simple rule will help us understand that people with a pessimistic, insecure and dependent way of speaking will be much more vulnerable in their relationships and, therefore, are likely to run into the wrong people in bad situations and will end up damaging their emotional health.

chopsticks grabbing a cloud

That’s why it is very important that we control what we tell ourselves and what we say to others. It will help us clearly discern what is good and bad for us, as well as strengthen us to say what we do not want in our lives to those who don’t deserve us because they don’t make us feel good.

“You do not deserve someone who, with their indifference, makes you feel invisible or absent. You deserve someone who, with their attention, makes you feel important and present.

You do not deserve someone who excites you with what they say and then disillusions you with what they do. Yes you deserve someone that says less but does more.

You do not deserve someone who looks for you only when they need you, but rather someone who is always by your side when they know you need them. You do not deserve someone who makes you sad and makes you cry, but rather someone who makes you happy and makes you smile.”

woman with cloud on head

I love myself because…

Now comes the next task, complete the phrase “I love myself because…” as often as we can and in a completely sincere and spontaneous way. Anything goes, we mustn’t put up barriers of any kind.

If our relationships are preventing us from positive internal dialogue, something is really wrong. Often the solution to reestablishing the balance of our inner conversations is that we must go through talking to those people who “are affecting us” and question the inequality that is directing the relationship and the self-perspective that encourages this circumstance.

On this basis, we must try and find a healthy balance that encourages our emotional health. If this healthy agreement does not happen, we must always choose to be our priority, care for ourselves and start internally writing a script in which we are the main protagonists.

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This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.