Why You Should Say What You Feel and How to Do It
“I feel bad because of what my friend said to me, but I didn’t say anything to him because I didn’t want him to get mad”, “I can’t tell my boyfriend that I want to break up because I don’t want to hurt him”…. How many moments have passed in which you have not shared what you feel? You may silence yourself out of fear of the reaction others may have, or fear of showing what you really feel. However, in the end, the only one who ends up feeling bad is you.
If you don’t say what you think or feel, other people cannot guess or know it. This will only make you feel worse. Saying what you feel, stating your opinions, sharing ideas, or being able to say “no” will allow you to feel free and like you are in control of your life. Being assertive is to affirm and support oneself.
“Always say what you feel and do what you think.”
-Gabriel Garcia Marquez-
Reasons to say what you feel
To say what you feel might make you feel a little anxious, but not saying what you think or feel can affect your relationships with other people. Therefore, below we have given you five reasons to say and express what you truly think and feel.
You will feel freed
When you express your opinions or feelings, or let out what bothers or worries you, with respect, love, and care, you will feel a deep sensation of freedom. When you don’t express your emotions, they become a heavy weight that you carry with you day after day. Over time this can damage our relationships with others, although we may not even be aware of it.
You will feel closer to those with whom you confide
When there are no longer barriers between two people because they have shared and expressed everything on their mind, a special kind of closeness is created. A kind of intimacy is formed in which trust is reinforced and the relationships grows and improves. When you know how the other person feels, and how you yourself feel, you are able to feel a significant sensation of peace.
You will be yourself
If you hide what you are thinking, then you are hiding part of who you are. You are building a wall that blocks you from taking in your surroundings, and blocks others from seeing you as you truly are. However, letting all your feelings out, through words, looks, hugs, kisses, or tears, you will feel more alive, and more like yourself. You will no longer hide behind what you do not say. You will be able to enjoy the feelings you have expressed through words or gestures.
If you do not show yourself as you are, others will get the wrong idea of you. They will receive an image that is just that: an image. They will not see you and not be able to appreciate everything you truly are and all of the virtues you possess.
“Life is not easy, not for anyone. But… who cares! One must persevere and, overall, be confident in oneself. One must feel equipped to follow something through, and feel that that thing must be reached no matter the cost.”
You will improve your communication
When you learn how to say “no” and to express your emotions, communication with other people is transformed. You can rise to another level in which everything is transparent; there is nothing to hide. On this plane, you will feel much more comfortable given that you will no longer harbor a fear of expressing what your mind and body want.
You will be able to be consistent
If you don’t express what you are feeling, a great inconsistency emerges between what and who you are, and what you present to others. However, when you learn to speak and verbalize what is worrying you, you will be able to achieve consistency between your internal and external world.
How to say what you feel
In order to say what is on your mind, you must simply learn to be assertive. Your ability to be assertive can be a tool to help you explain to others what your true desires are or what you really need, while demonstrating dignity and confidence in yourself. Here are a few tips to help you be assertive:
Change your negative thoughts to positive ones
Sometimes, you may tend to say negative things to yourself like “I can’t” or “I’m not capable”, or “what will others think if I say what I want? Will they get mad at me?” All of these thoughts have an affect on your emotions and a barrier may be built between you and other people. It is a barrier of unspoken words, of unexpressed emotions.
Try to change all of those negative thoughts into more positive phrases: I will try, and if I can’t, it’s okay because I have learned! I will say what I think and be loyal to myself!
Be aware that other people cannot read your mind
Although this is obvious, sometimes you can feel angry and may have a tendency to say that everything is okay, despite the strong negative emotions you are feeling. Maybe it is anger or rage, and the longer you go without expressing them, the worse and worse it feels. Keep in mind that other people are not able to read your thoughts, nor guess what you are feeling. It is necessary to verbalize it so others can know what is happening.
Remember your objectives
When you decide to say what you are feeling, don’t stray from your objective. Remember why you want to do it. Don’t backtrack; think about how much better you will feel. Furthermore, most of the time, what you fear will not even happen. It is easy to pointlessly worry about something that is only in your imagination.
Be clear about what you are expressing
In order to communicate correctly, you should be clear in your expression and what you say. Don’t complicate things by beating around the bush. Start with what is most important, and state it clearly. Use the words that precisely describe what you want. Both you and others will appreciate it.
“I know fear, but passion makes me brave.”