Why Do People Always Disappoint Me?
Why do people always disappoint me? If I always give it my all, why do other people fail me? A lot of people ask themselves these questions because they’re frustrated and sad and are looking for answers. If you often feel like this, you might even stop trying to relate to people because you’re afraid it’ll happen again.
Although you might believe that time will make you forget your disappointments, it doesn’t really work that way. They leave a mark. Some people deal with disappointment better than others and overcome it quickly. However, others are deeply affected by the emotions that eat away at them for years.
What causes this kind of disappointment? Are humans just generally bad at relationships? Are you too selfish? Or are you too trusting?
Reasons why people always disappoint you
Every individual has their own values and way of looking at the world and love, respect, and friendship. Even something as basic and seemingly universal as common sense can vary from person to person. Thus, not everyone will agree with 100% of your standards. No one in the world shares your exact outlook on life.
Nevertheless, you demand respect. You expect, at the very least, trust and honesty. Unfortunately, sometimes, this doesn’t happen. Consequently, everyone has experienced disappointment to some degree. It’s the way the world works. However, although many people deal with it fairly well (and infrequently), others seem to face it over and over again.
Why might that be?
Being too trusting – hypocrisy is the natural state of the human mind
If you want to navigate your relationships a little better, try not to blindly trust every person you meet. Evolutionary psychologist Robert Kurzban explains something very interesting about that in his book Why Everyone (Else) Is a Hypocrite: Evolution and the Modular Mind.
- One part of the mind has values and ideological opinions. However, another part is exclusively designed to seduce people. You want people to like you, to fit in, to make friends, and to win over the people you’re attracted to. To get what you want, you won’t hesitate to tell white lies or be a little hypocritical.
- As your relationship deepens, your true character comes out. Suddenly, you might discover that the person you thought you knew doesn’t actually share any of your values.
As a preventative measure, be prudent. Don’t trust people until you’ve known them a while. Observe how they behave, especially with the seemingly insignificant things.
High expectations
As William Shakespeare said, expectation is the root of all heartache. Thus, if you’re asking yourself why people always disappoint you, you should probably take a closer look at yourself. What kinds of expectations do you have for other people?
Adjusting your expectations can make a significant positive impact on your life. If you stop expecting other people to be and do exactly what you want, you’ll ultimately be happier for it.
The bias towards painful relationships
Some people tend to seek out romantic relationships or friendships with personalities that tend to hurt them. For example, men and women with heightened empathy (the classic Wendy syndrome – the need to care for others and feel useful) often end up in relationships with narcissists.
This is something that happens a lot. Your personality type seeks the kind of person who brings out the worse in you. It might be because you have low self-esteem and that person makes you feel seen or feel like your needs haven’t been met. People in that situation often don’t realize what’s going on until they suddenly become aware of the manipulation and deceit.
You’ll never get exactly what you give
Reciprocity means receiving exactly what you give. Well, assuming that this is an absolute truth can cause a lot of suffering. Most people expect to get exactly what they put in.
However, relationships aren’t business transactions. If you’re constantly asking yourself why people disappoint you, maybe you need to change your perception of reciprocity.
- Reciprocity is, above all, allowing yourself to receive what others give and enjoy it.
- It’s a completely free act. Each individual decides what they want to give and how they give it.
- For example, maybe you have a friend who doesn’t respond to your messages as much as you’d like. However, this friend is by your side during difficult situations.
- Thus, it’s important to take a more relaxed approach. You shouldn’t try to measure everything you’ve put into a relationship and what you’re getting back. If you do this, you’ll be constantly disappointed.
In conclusion, accepting that disappointments are part of life is key. You can also lower your expectations and be a little more careful about who you trust. Don’t forget that prudence is always a good companion.
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- .Kuzban, Robert (2010) Why Everyone (Else) Is a Hypocrite: Evolution and the Modular Mind. Princeton University Press