True Love Isn’t Born, Nor Does It Appear – It’s Built.

· January 17, 2017

We’re talking about true love. Love without extra wrapping or romanticism. The real thing is able to last through time, adding a sincere happiness, a daily enrichment where both partners can grow personally, together.

Does true love exist?  Yes, it does, and we don’t have to use the world of movies or literature as a point of reference. We’re sure that in your surroundings, or even including yourself, you’re seeing or living it.  If that’s the case, we’re sure that you know the secret: the effort, the dedication to build the relationship day by day, where both members are able to work as a team and bring their energies to the process.

Because on occasion, love on it’s own isn’t enough. No matter how much passion, attraction, or feeling there may be that blinds us and tips our balance. A healthy relationship needs something more than all of this to be authentic and durable.

Today we’re talking about true love: that which doesn’t bring pain and enriches our lives.

The myth of romantic love

It may be that the worlds of movies and literature are at fault (since many of us have grown up with them as points of reference) for giving us this “romantic” vision on the big screen and in the pages of books.  Amazing stories that dazzle us and make us dream unsustainable fallacies that will almost never be found in the real world.

“Romantic love” is not true love.  We must understand this clearly.  And even more, we must be careful to not fall into the dangerous myths that surround the ideal of romanticism:

  • Love is forever:  This idea is not completely false, since we can’t deny that many couples are able to keep their love alive until the day they die.  Far from the thought that “love must be forever,” ask yourself first if you’re happy today.  There are loves that are fleeting but very intense, and also worth it.
  • Jealousy is a sign of love:  For romantic love, jealousy is an expression of affection.  Without jealousy, a true, sincere love doesn’t exist.  This idea is an absolute danger, a sign of domination and lack of confidence that builds a large part of the toxic relationships we see every day.
  • Love is passion:  Another very characteristic idea of romantic love, the thought that a relationship without passion isn’t an authentic couple.  The feelings must be taken to their extreme, where sexuality finds its maximum expression, where affection has no middle ground. A false myth, as we now know that a couple’s relationship goes through different stages where, over time, they lose the initial intensity, but continue to be intimate and sharing that draws them together.

The foundations of true love

True love doesn’t need trickery or deception, nor is it sustained by the magic of things going well because “it’s meant to be.”

Obviously, this doesn’t negate the fact that sometimes there is a spark between two people who just happen to meet, but leaving that “magic” to one side, what’s truly important is the day to day where the little things build a pure and authentic relationship.

Do you know what other factors can help to build up true love?

  • Good communication, where one truly listens, where you can speak in a democratic manner and come to an agreement.  Effort is shared and there are no losers, with the balance always being kept in the continuous dialogs.  Note that in good communication there are also arguments, and it’s important to be sincere in this normal part of the communication process.  Remember that it’s important to not hide anything or, later on, resentment will enter in.
  • Support and recognition.  Both members must show respect and authentically value one another, recognizing both virtues and defects.   Consideration is mutual, free of slights, sarcasm and humiliation.  Both personal growth and maturity as a couple will result.
  • Partnership and sincere affection.  It’s possible, over the years, to lose the passion of the beginning, but continue to be happy.  A healthy couple, happy and satisfied, knows that true love is nourished in the complications of daily life, where they keep smiling and dreaming for their future together.