The Flow State in Relationships

The flow state in relationships means that you're in tune with your partner. It involves shaping simple moments of complicity where you can meet and discover yourselves every day and where you can communicate, laugh, and strengthen commitments in freedom.
The Flow State in Relationships

Last update: 13 June, 2021

The flow state in relationships makes it easier to reach that high point of happiness where you progress in harmony. It’s knowing how to create an alliance in which you both enjoy your complicity and are strong enough to face adversity. Thus, the theory Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi proposed in 1975 can also be applied to relationships.

Most of the studies and works on the concept of the flow state undoubtedly apply to the field of work and even personal growth. This idea describes that state of mind in which all your psychological activity focuses on the activity you’re doing. This point of high concentration leads to satisfaction.

However, in recent years, specialists in the field of emotional relationships, such as Dr. Brenda McDaniel from Kansas State University, pointed out that couples can reach this mental and emotional state in many ways. Moreover, if you keep in mind the general components of the flow state theory, the relationship can gain happiness and stability.

For example, experiences as simple as having daily meaningful conversations with the person you love help you reduce stress, and invest in complicity, affection, and commitment. This is because the simplest investments are often the most rewarding.

“Let my heart always be like it is…this very moment ready to explode…with love a violent rainstorm… with no stream, no ocean vast enough to flow into.”

-Sanober Khan-

Two people at a party.

The components that make up the flow state in relationships

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi introduced the concept of the flow state to the world of psychology by following a metaphor. “When the winds of fortune blow in your favor, people feel they’re moving forward as if they’re pleasantly flowing with the current of a river.

Thus, the idea of flow is that it’s a meaningful activity where you don’t only feel happy and satisfied. You also have a clear sense that you’re on the right track in your life journey.

One can perfectly apply these basics to the scenario of love relationships. Hence, the state of flow in a relationship is another interesting standpoint. One worth taking into account to reach well-being. Continue reading to find out more about the components that make them up.

Different personalities, similar goals

Being in a relationship doesn’t imply having the same qualities, opinions, tastes, or hobbies. In order to have a satisfied and happy relationship, it’s essential to share values and goals.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a boatswain’s mate, a deck officer, or a purser on the voyage of your life together. What really counts is that you both travel in the same boat and have the same course, the same illusion.

A happy couple.

Concentration and focus on the flow state in a relationship

As in the flow state applied to the work environment, you also need to focus on your relationship when you’re in one. What does this mean exactly?

Focusing on a love relationship means being responsible for what it means to be a couple while being aware of one another’s needs.

It also means remembering not to take love for granted and cultivate it at every moment by taking care of details and being proactive. Also, by communicating and taking moments out of the busy routine to be able to spend quality time together.

Skills to face challenges together

The state of flow in a relationship requires the skill of knowing how to overcome difficulties together. You don’t learn this craft from one day to the next; it’s the complicated moments that put you to the test. It’s there that the best or the worst parts of yourself emerges.

Thus, only those skilled at supporting, communicating, reaching agreements, and seeing solutions instead of problems will demonstrate their competence. Especially when adversity arises. Flowing, after all, means not only knowing how to move forward when the river of life is placid and safe. It’s also about knowing how to overcome obstacles.

Activities two can enjoy as one

Every individual in a relationship can still have their own hobbies and moments of reserved pleasure. They can still dedicate their time to them or spend their time with their respective friends or family.

However, it’s essential for them to enjoy daily activities where life together reaches a state of unparalleled flow. It’s at these moments where they continue to experience, laugh, and delight in each other.

These are some examples of those activities that allow you to reach a state of flow in your relationship:

  • Good conversations.
  • Sex.
  • Taking baths or showers together.
  • Traveling.
  • Sports.
  • Massages.
  • Cooking together.
  • Watching the same movies or reading the same books and then talking about them.
A couple in the state of flow..

To conclude, achieving a flow state in a relationship isn’t too complicated. It’s just a matter of shaping that metaphorical dance where two people continue to enjoy one another more and more. Although it may be easy to find love, relationships require work so they don’t fall apart.

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  • Mirvis, P. H., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1991). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. The Academy of Management Review16(3), 636. https://doi.org/10.2307/258925