The Strange Attraction of Impossible Love

· November 10, 2017

Who has not at some time succumbed to the bitter sweetness and the attraction of impossible love? The first thing that comes to mind here is teenage love. Many an adolescent has felt something for their school teachers. A platonic love that was satisfied with a look or a smile, which led them to dream of more. Nothing could ever come of it of course. And yet there was a strange sort of enjoyment in just being able to dream about the possibility of love.

There are also, of course, those impossible loves for a pop star, an actress, or any other famous person. These are the feelings we can have for people we see on screen, for example, even though the object of our affection has no idea of ​​our existence. We perceive them as being close to us, but in reality they are light years away. Even so, many teenagers and even young people or adults have experienced this.

“Love is like a war, easy to start, hard to finish, impossible to forget.”

-Henry Louis Mencken


The true impossible loves, however, are those that start with a spark, ignite into flame, but, sadly, are besieged by bad luck and insurmountable obstacles. They are feelings that are intensely lived and that, in one way or another, never die.

Different types of impossible love

The experts on the subject say that there are basically three types of impossible love. One is “ghost love”, the other is “narcissistic love” and finally there is “difficult love”. The first refers to cases where you fall in love with someone who doesn’t exist (in the way that you view them). You need to love someone and you give a certain person some characteristics and virtues they don’t have. That someone almost always represents a way of filling childhood gaps.

Impossible Love Heart

On the other hand are the impossible narcissistic loves. Their impossibility lies in the fact that you’ll you never be able to attain them. You spend your entire life looking for a perfect partner, because you feel that’s what you deserve, but you never find them. It is a love of emptiness, a desire for an exalted version of one’s own ego. When you love in this way then the only thing you’ll experience is loneliness. You’ll never find anyone to make the fantasy come true.

Finally, love is often impossible due to difficulties and obstacles. These are loves that have a hard time coming to fruition. There are specific circumstances that make them very complex. The other person may already be in a relationship. Or it may be someone who simply cannot fall in love with you. Or, in other cases, there are strong religious or ideological oppositions that prevent it.

In this last group we include the cases of great relationships of love where one of the partners dies. The partner dies, but the love that unites you does not die. At least for a while you are caught in the conflict of loving someone who no longer exists. If there are no other emotional problems involved, then these are impossible loves that can be overcome with time.

The attraction of impossible love

It is these impossible loves that lead us to discover that poet we all carry inside. The most pragmatic have never experienced it, but they have missed out on an experience which is both hellish and wonderful. All love needs some sort of impossibility to keep the fire burning. And when that utter impossibility is experienced, the soul burns, but so does our creativity and the impulse to live and die at the very same moment.

attraction of impossible love

The impossibility of love feels like a tragedy. At least this is what it feels like when you are struggling to make it come true. It fills you with anguish and you find yourself with the paradox of not being able to leave the person, but at the same time not being able to win them. You experience suffering and joy at the same time,  bliss and the abyss.

In spite of everything, they have a unique attraction. They put you to the test, they challenge the deepest part of you. And one thing is certain: you’ll never forget them. They are never remembered with indifference. They fade with time, but they never stop being a spark that makes your heart skip a beat.

Only occasionally do impossible loves become a burden. This happens when you can’t give up the fantasy and cling to it blindly. When you’re not able to accept that it isn’t meant to be. This can cause you terrible pain and can even make you ill. And yet if you want to learn how to truly love, these impossible loves can be the greatest teacher of all.