Start Helping and Stop Judging

December 27, 2016

How often do we go about life forming opinions about others? It seems that judging is some people’s favorite sport, but is it also yours? Perhaps you haven’t even noticed because it’s something people do almost automatically.

The problem with judging is that you’re not helping the person you’re judging, or yourself. Think about how many times you have lost or affected a relationship through judgments and criticisms. What if you tried to help, rather than judge?

people keyhole

The difference between criticizing objectively and judging

It’s necessary to be clear on the fact that it’s not bad to give your opinion when it’s a very simple comment, keeping in mind that it is up to the other person to take it into account or not. On the other hand, judging is dropping a negative review about the lives of others. This is destructive when the other person begins to feel that what they’re doing is wrong, without any logical reasoning.

The difference between judging and criticizing objectively is based on the arguments that support your opinion. Do you know all of the factors that are involved, or are you speaking from the surface? Will what you say hurt or help the other person?

Before observing other people’s lives, focus on your own

We go through life listening to and watching others, and then we just as easily give our opinion. Before opening your mouth next time, think about how your life is going.

Most of the time we criticize in others what we dislike about ourselves. This may be difficult to accept at first, but think about it in depth: do you judge your friend because of the way she dresses because you feel like you couldn’t do the same, even if you tried? That which you criticize says a lot more about you than you might think.

Don’t waste your time

People often complain about not having enough time to do what they truly desire. The real problem isn’t lack of time though; the issue is that we misuse our time. When you spend your time judging others, thinking about what they’re doing and why it’s so wrong, you’re allowing yourself to be distracted.

For starters, if they haven’t asked for your opinion it’s probably because they aren’t interested, or are just fine. So why don’t you focus on doing something for yourself? Surely if someone wants to know what you’re thinking, they’ll ask when the time is right. Stop wasting energy thinking about how other people’s lives should be and focus on achieving the life you want. Play with your kids, go out with your friends or curl up with a good book.

women talking

Don’t let prejudice interfere

Prejudices are a big problem in our society. Prejudices limit us as people and give us a false sense of what is right and what is wrong. Do you judge others based on prejudice? What if the person you’re judging today for being different than the norm, ends up being your best friend?

I have a friend who lived in the United States for years, and got tattooed from a very young age. To this day, he never had problems until he moved out of the country. Although he previously had a very well paid job and has great experience, now many people avoid hiring him upon seeing his tattoos.

This is based on a prejudice that is totally unfounded. Not all people with tattoos are criminals, and not all criminals wear tattoos. Some of our cultural ideas help us to create a personal and social identity. Others create a barrier that prevents us from seeing beyond the outer layer. Don’t be afraid to go against what’s conventional and look at others from a different perspective.

How to stop judging and start helping

When you spend your time judging, you’re not helping others, or yourself. It’s impossible for someone who only seeks negativity to be happy. Instead, focus on being good company and and a strong support for your loved ones. It’s actually not that hard; it’s about being a support and not a bump in the road.

For example, if your brother’s car breaks down, instead of criticizing him for not giving it proper maintenance, ask if he needs you to take him somewhere. If at all possible, do it! Incidentally, you can suggest that he be more careful with his car, but without giving him a list of what he’s doing wrong.

Rather than continue judging, try helping the people around you. Leave the criticism and negative assessments aside, stop focusing on the negative, and seek out ways to express that which needs improvement from an angle of positivity, and of helping others.