Sometimes You Have to Say Goodbye

Knowing when to say goodbye can be difficult. However, sometimes, it's necessary.
Sometimes You Have to Say Goodbye
Sergio De Dios González

Written and verified by the psychologist Sergio De Dios González.

Last update: 18 July, 2022

You should only have people in your life who contribute to you and benefit you. That’s what you should tell yourself whenever you feel you’ve been cheated.

In your relationships, not everything is always rosy. Indeed, sometimes, the conflicts you have with others can hurt you and put you down. This is perfectly normal. You just need to know how to solve them.

However, sometimes a lack of reciprocity, bad actions, and negativity makes you think that you should go down a different path.

The difficult moment of separation

Some separations are vital for your growth. Even so, saying goodbye is always extremely difficult, even more so when, with that farewell, you have to say goodbye to an important part of yourself.

When you finally let go and make the decision to put an end to a relationship, you must first give thanks for what you’ve learned and unlearned from an experience that, at the end of the day, hasn’t been good for you at all. In fact, a good way to make sense of separations is by understanding that everything, absolutely everything, makes you learn and shows you something you didn’t see before.

“In accepting this challenge to suffer bravely, life has a meaning up to the last moment, and it retains this meaning literally to the end.”

-Viktor Frankl-

When not being loved hurts

When you feel unloved, it generates two serious kinds of hurt. These are abandonment and humiliation. The second is more difficult to recognize because it involves highlighting your suffering and accepting your feelings of having failed. Nevertheless, this is what makes you human.

The fact that someone you loved and thought you had a wonderful future with, in the end, didn’t love you, damages your affective patterns.

This disorients you. For a while, you can only hear the echo of a distant drum that frustrates you and that you don’t know how to stop because you don’t know where it’s coming from or how to communicate with it.

As much as you love and know yourself, and as determined as you are to do the right thing, making the decision to say goodbye is always something that’s tremendously painful.

Woman looking at a heart and thinking about her life

“One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters, whatever name we want to give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. 

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has happened will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least attention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.”

-Paulo Coelho-

You’re never the same after a goodbye

In farewells, something always breaks inside you. They hurt your hopes, dreams, and feelings. A part of you will never be the same again, a part has gone forever.

This makes you experience deep sorrow and feelings of nostalgia. You invent fantasies about what could’ve been and develop a tremendous fear of parting that makes you cling to the impossible.


Indeed, closing the doors of your life to someone is painful and is the kind of process that makes you suffer. Nevertheless, this type of farewell is necessary for you to rebalance your affectivity and emotional being.

People change, as do your relationships. This happens even if you put all your efforts into preventing the relationship from ending. Nonetheless, saying goodbye to relationships that aren’t good for you and for which there’s no cure can be a lifesaver.

Therefore, when you realize that something isn’t going well and your good feelings are conspicuous by their absence for no particular reason, you must repeatedly tell yourself that you have the ability to choose between who you want in your life and who should leave.

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To Say Goodbye to Someone Who No Longer Needs You Is to Grow

To say goodbye is to grow and to rediscover yourself. Saying goodbye is an act of bravery and the greatest expression of self-love.

The contents of Exploring Your Mind are for informational and educational purposes only. They don't replace the diagnosis, advice, or treatment of a professional. In the case of any doubt, it's best to consult a trusted specialist.