What Is Codependency?

· October 1, 2015

Codependency is a psychological condition in which one person becomes emotionally attached to another. This is in no way a positive thing.

Why can’t you make a decision for yourself? Why do you need to have everything under control and when something slips through your fingers, the world comes crashing down around you? Why can’t you be alone? These are the kinds of questions and frustrations we have towards codependent people.

“Freedom means responsibility; that is why most men are afraid of it.”
-George Bernard Shaw-

Codependent people display the following traits and behaviors.

Insecurity

Codependent people live for others, abandoning themselves. They relies on the decisions of others, feed on the opinions of everyone else and undervalue themselves.

For codependent people, others are more important. They will always wonder things like “What would he do in my place?” “How would he act?” They are unable to think for themselves.


Controlling

As we have seen, a codependent people always need someone to make decisions for them. Since they cannot live without this, they will turn controlling and manipulative to keep everyone and everything under their control. They doesn’t want anyone to leave their side — they can’t go on without the other!

Self doubt

Codependent people cannot confront the world or life alone. They doubt they even know how to live without depending upon another person emotionally.

Their insecurities and fears make it impossible for them to make decisions. Facing life without a shoulder to lean on gives them such fear and anxiety that they will always seek somebody to fill this need.

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How to overcome codependency?

What do we do if we feel that another person is the center of our world, the reason for our existence, and without them we cannot cope with life? Can we get over being codependent? The answer is yes.

First, ask yourself why you feel that your life isn’t valuable on its own. What makes it impossible to depend on yourself? Search within yourself for what makes you feel inferior, reflect and question whether it is true. You are not worth less than anyone else. 

As a codependent person, your thoughts will be plagued by phrases like “I don’t know,” “I can’t do it,” “he will know how to do it.” If these thoughts surface, resist them.

No one knows everything, no one knows how to do it all. But there is something that we can all do: learn. Don’t seek help for every little thing, don’t rely on another person. Try to be independent.

Many circumstances overwhelm us, but that happens to everyone! The good thing is knowing how to straighten them out, overcome them successfully by ourselves. Self reliance is essential. We can’t always count on the support of others.

Identify your strengths and use them. Work on them so that you learn to value yourself and not depend on anyone else.

Look for a reason to be happy every day. Stop looking at others as a model. Everyone is unique. Make your life unique.

Persevere. Yes, it is difficult, but it is not impossible. Keep moving forward. You will not always have someone to lean on and when this happens, will the world crash down around your shoulders? No. You are strong, intelligent, responsible.

You don’t need to look to anyone else. You don’t need anyone to be able to survive. Live your life, value yourself, be unique. Don’t let your life depend on anyone other than you.

Are you codependent? If you are, I hope that this and other advice can be of help to you. It can be difficult to overcome your reliance on others, but it’s worth it — experience the freedom of not being codependent.