To Say Goodbye to Someone Who No Longer Needs You Is to Grow

To Say Goodbye to Someone Who No Longer Needs You Is to Grow
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 15 November, 2021

How many times in your life have you been obligated to say goodbye? In reality, it doesn’t matter how many times you have done it, but rather the fact that over the course of your life, it has been necessary to break certain bonds, even if it causes suffering. No matter what it causes, it will always allow you to grow.

To say goodbye is to grow. It is to allow yourself to rediscover who you are. In some of these circumstances, someone or something was distancing you from the unbreakable essences of balance and happiness with your being.

I can tell you goodbye because I know that you no longer need me. Because I am not your priority. Because your emptinesses fill me with deficiencies, and because despite what we don’t say it out loud, we said goodbye a while ago. 

In reality, it can be said that the goodbye itself does not hurt as much as the desire to go back. Within that aspect is found not only your own strength, but also your dignity.

Never allow yourself to be weak and run back to a person who no longer needs you, or who already knows where you areBy doing that, you are hurting yourself deeply. You are damaging your self-esteem and, in turn, you are offering power to a person who holds the key to your unhappiness.

You are the only one who should hold that key. You are the one who should maintain the control of your life, and always know with whom it is worth it to invest time, hopes, and dreams. Saying goodbye is an act of bravery and the greatest expression of self-love. 

Breaking the bond with the people who no longer need us requires courage

girl with heart on thread attitude

If only things could be easier. If only a magic potion existed that could make the drinker fall out of love and close the doors of the heart on the person who no longer loves them. If only the art of forgetting could be practiced, and performed like a rock thrown into a river that quickly sinks into the depths and out of sight.

Saying goodbye requires courage. It is an act of free will for a vital reason. It is to close a circle in which we decide that we are no longer going to permit ourselves to suffer more, because a person who only offers absence does not deserve your presence. 

There is no such thing as to forget perfectly and in a way that leaves no imprints or scars. Saying goodbye implies that sometimes you must heal many emptinesses, many injuries, and many wounds of the soulSometimes these things cannot be healed simply by time passing and nothing else. Time does not heal if you don’t put in your own effort.

Saying goodbye implies the confrontation of pain

It is necessary to accept the act of saying goodbye, of letting go. It means you must go through the process of pain. There are many people who do not understand it in this way. They decide to cling to their day to day lives without having processed their thoughts and emotions

  • Saying goodbye to someone who was a significant part of your life requires understanding what has happened to generate this separation. To be able to grow, you must understand.
  • It is necessary to accept the fact if we are no longer loved by that person. It is also essential to be able to end a relationship that generates more suffering than happiness.
  • The breaking of human bonds requires some type of emotional release, which could be expressed through tears or through words.
  • Acceptance comes in little by little, day by day. It comes slowly, but as it does you know you are safe and you feel good about yourself because you know you have made the right choice.

Saying goodbye without hate 

dandelions grow

Saying goodbye without resentment, hate, or contempt is not always easy. In the moment in which you become aware of the fact that this person no longer needs you, that they have stopped loving you, or that they only offer poisoned or painful love, you may feel a certain defenselessness and rage.

  • Keep in mind that all of that negative emotion will only block you from closing that circle. That negativity is a burden you will store in your mind and that, in a certain way, implies that you should stay with that person.
  • Rage, hate, and resentment etch deep marks on your character and your emotions. These things do not let you grow, and make you unable to trust. Rage can generate even more negativity, which will only be directed back towards yourself.

Free yourself from all of this. Release yourself from anyone who no longer needs you. Let go of all of the negative emotion that leaves you anchored to that person who harms you. All of this will allow you to advance quickly and easily. If you gather every stone along the path, you will end up not being able to continue walking on the path. You will run aground, you will be weighed down. Free yourself from these burdens. 

Saying goodbye to return to who you were, and to grow

When you stay in a dysfunctional relationship, what you are really doing is distancing yourself from… yourself. This may be, for example, remaining in a relationship that causes you suffering, that deceives you in some way, and that, instead of allowing you to grow, breaks your personal equilibrium.

Saying goodbye implies making a delicate return journey. You need to heal wounds, take care of yourself, and pull the golden thread of your essence to recover not only the person you were before, but also to create the person you want to be now. 

Be a person who is able to say goodbye and let go so that new things can come. Better things can grow from letting go. You want to be who you were and, although you are conscious of the fact you have lost part of your innocence and you are tied to the person you have left behind, you know that you are the only author of your future. You know that you will move on with renewed hopes. You know that you will not be a victim, but rather someone capable of learning from what has passed. You are a person who is able to become whatever they want to become.

woman as tree grow

Images courtesy of Pascal Campion and Amanda Cass

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.