Relationship Debts: When I Make Sacrifices but Expect Something in Return

· December 14, 2018

We all know what debts are: payment commitments between two entities that have to be fulfilled. However, few people realize that relationship debts also exist, especially between couples. Today, you might discover that you have some pending relationship debts to resolve.

Relationship debts arise when we give up something important about ourselves in a relationship. These debts represent true sacrifices. However, because of these great acts, we expect certain things from the other person in return. Thus, we contract debts that no one notices.

The trap of relationship debts

Relationship debts are traps that we almost never notice. They arise due to a lack of direct or sincere communication in the relationship. Instead of expressing how hard it is for us to accept a situation we don’t like, we just remain silent.

Consequently, a silent debt is generated that the other person isn’t aware of. What happens then? The recriminations begin.

Relationship debts are toxic.

Let’s suppose, for example, that your partner found a job in another country. It’s an incredible opportunity and you decide to go with them. This means you have to leave your job and hope to find another one in the country you’re going to. However, over time, you begin to reproach your partner because you can’t find a job and live far away from your family.

In addition, what you’ll face the most is the sacrifice of having allowed your partner to develop professionally while you left everything, including your professional development, behind. Thus, you want the other person to reward you for your sacrifice. However, you just contracted a relationship debt.

Relationship debts or emotional blackmail?

Relationship debts can be contracted between partners, friends, or even family members. Sometimes they actually end up becoming emotional blackmail. We demand what we believe we deserve. We sacrifice ourselves and give without any limits. However, in the end, we just want unlimited compensation for it.

It’s common to think that if we give something up for a relationship, we’ll be rewarded in some way. In every relationship, there has to be a constant give and take. However, this is far from what we understand relationship debts to be like.

Accumulating relationship debts can make you feel alone.

This type of debt is contracted as an opportunity to let the other person see how much we care and, at the same time, to ask for and receive what we believe compensates us for our great sacrifice. We want to exercise control that we don’t have. That’s when blackmail begins.

But how can we avoid this? The truth is that this situation can indeed be avoided. First of all, we should understand right away that, although it may seem cold, we need to tell the other person what we expect in exchange for our effort. If you realize you won’t receive a quarter of what you expect, it’s best to not make that sacrifice.

It’s also necessary for us to have our eyes wide open to the sacrifices other people make for us. In addition, make it clear what you aren’t willing to tolerate and the demands that you won’t accept in exchange for what others do for you.

Unrecognized relationship debts may be a key to unhappiness.

Almost all of us have contracted relationship debts without realizing it. These debts damage our bonds, cause painful ruptures, and create enemies. We should start paying off all those debts and learn not to contract them in the first place.