I'm Not Going to Let Sadness Strip Me of Who I Am
Today I woke up feeling sad. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s anxiety, disenchantment, or disbelief because of everything that’s happening around me. I don’t know, but what I do know is that sadness has invaded me. Hanging on to those feelings and letting them root themselves inside is considered a crime in a society that imposes happiness as a law of life (along with the means of obtaining it).
However, I can see that there’s something beyond this sadness. It’s me! And I’m the one who’s keeping it there. I’m the only one capable of knowing if what I’m feeling is stopping me from being me. If what I’m feeling is not letting me see who I am, what I can control, and what I truly desire.
But I’m determined not to let sadness strip me of my very essence. I’m not going to act according to whatever my anguish tells me to do. The fact is that sadness only exists because I do. It cannot, therefore, be stronger than me. I will continue to fight, even if sadness is in my inner being and in my mind. I will listen to it sometimes, just in case it has something useful to tell me. If not, then I will just let it be. But I am the one with the power.
I feel sad and this is part of who I am
I’m not like a game with fixed results. I’m a board on which the black pieces coexist with the white ones. They’re temporary sensations, which I sometimes hang on to as if they were guiding my steps and controlling everything I do. And yet, despite this, my identity always prevails. Interestingly, these very feelings of sadness help me learn something new. I build myself up in my solitude, with its frigid and deafening silence. I listen to myself. Sometimes I need to feel this way in order to understand things and evolve.
I won’t be able to decide anything while I’m sad, but I will keep the things this feeling is teaching me for when I’m feeling a little braver. Sadness has taught me so many valuable things that I don’t want to get rid of it or make it disappear.
Let sadness take its place
I want it to rise up inside of me. While I’m living, I want to keep hold of it and give it its rightful place. I don’t want to violate it. I don’t want my feelings to be overthrown. All my feelings are because they come from within me, and are nourished by me. I’m important to them, I’m the reason they exist, and they, in turn, make me aware of my existence.
I’ll just wait and see what happens, and just what comes out of all this sadness, whether I’ll hang on or fall. What I do feel now is that I’m not just any old commoner. Sadness is a special time where I can truly connect with what I feel.
When I experience sadness as a natural thing, then creativity flows out of every part of me. The greater the pain, the greater I am, because for the first time in my life my feelings are sustaining me, instead of the expectations of those around me.
I won’t let sadness stop me from fighting for my values
My beliefs are my compass. Everything else is just things I find along the way. I’ll meet people who’ll confuse kindness with naivety, sincerity with impertinence, and sadness with weakness. None of this will keep me from achieving my goals, which in turn are a reflection of my values.
“‘Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart
. The really great menmust, I think, have great sadness on earth.”
Each day I’ll take one more step towards achieving it. Some days my sadness will keep me from getting anywhere. Other days will seem like a breeze. And other days I’ll go too fast and not learn much.
However, there came a day when I became aware that sometimes, even in the midst of the purest joy, this emotion can enhance my life. This sadness created roots and gave me the momentum to water them, look after them, and make them grow. And from this delicate mix of sadness and joy grew the most beautiful gardens of my life, which flourished under the care of their master gardener.