I Need Help: I'm Tired of Doing It By Myself

I Need Help: I'm Tired of Doing It By Myself
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 15 November, 2021

I need help. I’ve used up all my strength. I’m tired of doing it by myself and pretending that I can when I know I can’t. I need a lifesaver, a helping hand that can and wants to guide me. We all have experience moments like this, when there’s no other choice but to ask for help. Getting help from someone else allows us to approach a problem from a different perspective.

They say that all unhappy people have something in common: bitterness. However, bitterness can’t be fixed with only one remedy because it comes from different places. Some people try to normalize it by accepting it as a part of life. They use this acceptance to just grow bitterer. Regrets, grudges, mistakes, and distorted thoughts act as wood on the fire that is bitterness.

Not asking for help when you need it is not a sign of strength. It’s a sign of weakness. You can’t expect others to know what’s wrong because you think they should. No one can read your mind. You have to dare to ask for help. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Even though it’s often easier to offer help than to ask for it, there comes a time when you must ask for help. 

“Helping someone in need is a duty.”

-Jose Marti-

Paper boat.

I need help

In the 1950s, Albert Ellis, a renowned cognitive psychotherapist, developed what we know today as rational emotive behavior therapy. There’s something worth remembering about this approach. We often reach a state of complete helplessness and despair. We think that life can’t get any worse; that we’re a paper boat going adrift. However, as Ellis would say, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”.

Having someone who can make us see this is extremely valuable. Now, we all know that it’s not easy to say out loud what we need help with. So, how do you do it? As crazy as it sounds, usually the person who’s most reluctant to help you when you ask is the one you need help from. 

Also, the person who needs the most help is often the one used to giving it not receiving it. So, when we finally cross that line and claim the right to be heard, attended to, and cared for, we do it because we just can’t continue anymore. We have reached our breaking point.

“People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.”

-Thomas Szasz-

How to know when to ask for help

How are you dealing with your reality? If you think that it’s out of your control, this is when you need to ask for help. Let’s look at that more closely. You should ask for help when:

  • Everything you feel is disproportionately intensified. A simple mistake becomes fatal or a bad mood lasts for days or weeks. A disappointment immobilizes you or an unforeseen event overwhelms you.
  • There are some things that you can’t stop thinking about. The thoughts cause emotions and sensations that can interfere with your daily tasks and obligations.
  • You get recurring headaches, digestive and muscular problems, suffer from insomnia, or sleep excessively.
  • Things that you once enjoyed lose their appeal. 
  • You’re no longer productive at work.
  • Your personal relationships suffer. You hear things like “You make everything so complicated. I can’t even talk to you”. Also, your loved ones openly express that they’re worried about you.
Man with hands on his head symbolizing I need help.

What you can expect from someone who offers help

When you need help, look for three things. Someone who understands you, someone who won’t judge you, and someone who’s able to offer you the resources you need to make a positive change. This person is often a family member or a friend that we have probably turned to before in times of need. However, there are sometimes things so personal that we don’t feel comfortable going to these people either. This is when you need a professional.

What a trained and qualified psychologist will offer you is very specific tools you can use to deal with your situation. When you go to a psychologist:

  • You’ll learn to see your problem from another perspective. It’s a perspective where you have no limits. You’ll also learn to stop playing the victim in your own drama, to become an agent of change in your own reality.
  • Also, you’ll learn to see things more clearly. The newly acquired information will aid in your self-discovery.
  • You won’t get specific instructions on what you should and shouldn’t do. A psychologist facilitates and enables you to find the answers on your own. You are the exclusive architect of your changes and decisions.
  • You’ll be able to alleviate your suffering by gaining new perspectives and doing things differently.
  • Also, you’ll get resources to manage emotions and avoid harmful thought patterns. You may also learn self-control techniques.
  • You’ll be able to define your priorities and act based on them.

Going to a psychologist will allow you to adopt an attitude of growth, where you become more self-aware so that you can approach life with courage, openness, and responsibility.

Woman in wheat field.

In conclusion, daring to say “I need help” out loud is sometimes more hard on us than we would like. However, simply saying for help is a big step.

Asking for the support of a trained professional may be the best decision for you. Because, whether you like it or not, you can’t do everything on your own. There are times when therapy is the perfect tool to help you make a change in your life.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.