My Moments of Solitude Please My Soul

November 12, 2016

When no one is looking, my soul is pleased. I can be like a child who plays, laughs about nothing or cries over everything when he needs to. Here, an adult’s gaze cannot judge him. When I’m alone I take delight in small pleasures, in not doing anything and I dream about everything. I can walk around with no clothes on or submerge myself in a tub of foam and bubbles. I can disinfect my sorrows and worries.

Few scenarios are as needed as the ones we live in our moments of purest intimacy. Intimacy which is sometimes blatant, sometimes pleasant, but above all, vital. Because when no one is looking, the mind and soul relax and we let go of many of our layers. We take delight in such elemental acts as drinking a cup of coffee and reading a magazine. In getting dressed or letting your gaze glaze over in the warm tranquility of a sunset.

I adore the intimacy of those small moments in which nobody sees me. My mind blooms suddenly and my heart relaxes. Because there is nothing like getting home and taking your shoes and your sorrows off. Taking off oppressive articles of clothing and undoing the buttons of stress.

People spend a significant part of their day subjected to an endless amount of rules that regulate behavior. Maybe that’s why it’s so cathartic for us to have those private spaces when nothing is expected of us. Where we’re not subjected to the judgments of glances or conventionalisms about how to behave, or dress or react towards certain situations.

It’s a topic that is as complex as it is interesting, and we invite you to discover it with us. 


When no one is a looking and we can “bare it all”

We are stuck by force in a social universe where we have to adapt physically and psychologically. We spend most of our lives going between different environments where something is always being demanded from us. We have to be good children, good students, efficient workers, perfect fathers and mothers and ideal friends.

In my moments of solitude, when no one is looking, envy is absent. What is present is my pride while I enjoy baring my soul and my mind of the rumor of life and its pressures.

Now, it is clear that most of us strive to achieve each one of these aspirations every day. But, the very pressure, both internal and external, creates within us “small psychological calluses”. These are marks made by the pressure applied, by the wearing down and even the fatigue.

Fighting for excellence in our lives is not a bad thing, at all. We also don’t deny the pleasant happiness of loving and being loved. The wonder of having instances of magical complicities with our friends. But all of us, absolutely all of us, long for our own private havens where we can’t be seen. Where we can finally bare ourselves in order to relieve those areas of “psychological and emotional pressure”.


According to a study conducted by the neurologist Mark Leary, of the University of North Carolina (United States), one of the most common pressures that people suffer from are the so-called “metaperceptions”. That is to say, the perceptions we have about how others see us.

For many, it is a type of social anxiety that is truly upsetting in which the previously mentioned moments of intimacy acquire their biggest meaning. Because the threatening sensation of being “constantly judged” is finally turned off. For others, on the other hand, this aspect is barely a problem for them. Because they filter all of the signs they receive through a good self-concept and a firm self-esteem.

They don’t need to take shelter, but even so, they are also pleased by their moments alone. When nobody can see them.

The pleasure of self-intimacy and routine tasks

Cooking dessert while we explain to our dog for the millionth time why we can’t give them chocolate. Dancing around the house with messy hair, with mismatched socks and in your underwear. Painting your nails, playing a video game, reading erotic novels, writing your initials on a cold window while you watch the rain come down outside…

Is this important? It is, and very.  Because what we do when no one can see us is nobody’s business. It is like the corner under the staircase where we hid when we were children in order to create our own imaginary safe haven far, very far away from the world of grown-ups. Now, our minds are worn out by adult worries and the same fears we had as children. We long to rediscover that private corner where we can connect with ourselves.

For Mihaly Csikszentmihalvi, celebrated psychologist and author of books like “Flow: A Psychology of Happiness”, these moments are an indisputable part of our personal and emotional well-being. Therefore, they are a necessity.

Any act that allows us to remove that “dead skin” of negative thought, stress or everyday worries, and which invites us to connect with the present moment and with our own conscience, is a way to invest in your own happiness.

Because going with the flow means to simply let yourself get carried away by the pleasing purr of life. To live without any hurries or pressures, but without neglecting this wonderful adventure of being yourself. The instances of solitude, those that no one else can see, are important. Here one can rest and allow one’s soul to feel delight. Put it into practice today.