I Love You, Even When You Don't Deserve It
I love you, even when you don’t deserve it, even if this seems incredible to you, and maybe even unfair sometimes. It doesn’t matter, don’t ask me the reason why I would want to stay with you. Everything is simply better if you are there.
Sometimes I think about how the best thing in the world is turning around and going home, but the fact of the matter is that home is you. You, the one who smells like home, who is a beautiful disaster. You make me smile in dark times and then I feel like I need to stay and live in your eyes.
Because the mistakes you make tell me that you are human. Because I know that you have a conscience and that you will not hesitate to torment yourself for making a mistake and showing your most imperfect self.
All future versions of me see themselves with you
Yes, I know the price of unconditional support because I have seen the abyss up close. Sometimes I feel like you cannot open a new door because you are constantly looking at the old one.
But there is always a “then,” a “something” that reminds me of the value of staying, of attaching myself to what we have, of love’s power, life as a couple. I am convinced that what makes us people is often making mistakes.
Then comes the “but” that I was so desperately looking for and I feel the need to keep you, to love you above all else. Just because you deserve that.
It is neither a pact nor a gift. I stay by your side because I want to and because I love you, even though we both know that sometimes you may not deserve it. But not even I deserve it, at least not always.
It is give and take, an exchange; but staying has nothing to do with definitions. Sometimes, we don’t even have reasons; that’s the kind of masochists that we are. But that helps us sew, reap, be ambiguous, and believe that what we are doing goes far beyond the realms of reason.
We need space to fly
To spread our wings, we need space. A more or less open area. Because at the end of the day, it’s a matter of having reasons to fly and causes to stay.
So, even though it isn’t easy, building a warm, enriching relationship depends on whether or not each person has a time reserved for spreading their wings, washing them, caring for them, pampering them, and taking them out for a spin. In other words, it depends on there being no coercion, just freedom.
I stay by your side despite your blunders and your insults, because I am there in the good times and the bad, because I always want to see you smile, because we are people with values, because we set aside our selfishness, and because our interest is always sincere.
I am not going to throw anything in your face that it hurts to remember and I will not drown you in punishing looks. I will always try to help you catch your breath. I forgive your lack of punctuality in my life and on the other hand I wish for you to cross the river of sacrifice, the river of challenge and fatigue.
We are people with flaws and virtues
I am your best friend, your shoulder to cry on, and I always await the moment when I can hug you again.
In the good times, in the bad, and in the worst. I love you even when you don’t deserve it because I know that this is when you need me the most, when your world is collapsing, when you regret things, when you feel ridiculous, when you think that stupidity has beat you, when you condemn and torture yourself.
I know that in order to forgive you, you also need me and my trust so that you do not get engulfed in the world’s darkness. The reproaches that await you make no sense, nor do the hindrances that slow you down; but the hands that help you and the ears that listen do gain relevance.
Because in my love for you are all the nuances that define us and explain the reason why I stay, even though I know your worst self, which is my best alternative. And I know that when I fail, you will stay, too.
Because we are humans with demons, with phantoms, and with fears, and for that reason, we cannot punish ourselves.
Image picked out by Olga Marciano