Love Yourself Enough to Know When to Leave

November 22, 2016

If there is something really hard to do, it is knowing when to walk out of a person’s life to become a loved memory and not a despised habit. Knowing how to say goodbye is the art of suffering, but also of learning.

According to a study published on””, the main reason we decide to move apart and call off a relationship is the feeling of inequality in the couple, where the contributions of each are different and where the cost of “pain currency” is too high for the small profits.

There is always a moment when it is necessary to leave, even though you don’t know where to go, even if your feet are bare and your hands are empty. Only then will you allow your heart to be happy again.

Love and suffering should never go together in a loving relationship. Not everyone is clear on this, since the concept of “romantic love” still makes us believe these misconceptions. If you love yourself enough, you should not allow yourself to go to these lengths.

When leaving is the only option

woman with her back turned in a green dress

A relationship, as in every living organism, undergoes continuous changes. Now each change is intended to strengthen the bond and allow us to know each other better without each of us losing too much. The relationship has to flow.

Love is above all a choice we make freely. However, sometimes love is one of the leading causes of human suffering. Before falling into these states of emotional pain, it is necessary to know when to say goodbye at the right time to avoid lengthening truly destructive situations.

These are the main aspects that we should evaluate to understand that “leaving is your only option.”

  • Determine if the problem that led you to the current situation has a solution.
  • When faced with a crisis, it is necessary that both parties put the same amount of effort in. A relationship is imbalanced when one person offers their energy, their enthusiasm and their personal sacrifices while the other is limited to receiving without offering anything in return.
  • Try to project your current situation in the distant future. Do you think that in 10 years you’d be happy if things were the way they are now?

If after these questions you realize that nothing is possible and that there is no solution, you must draw strength from yourself to say goodbye, leave and close this personal and emotional circle full of suffering.

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illustration of a man thinking about when to leave

Ideas that prevent us from being able to end an emotional relationship

In a relationship, we cling to certain erroneous beliefs and emotions that, in the case of unhappiness, prevent us from being objective and seeing reality. Always remember that being blind is not love, but the delusions that we ourselves create.

Art usually represents love with a blindfold and wings on the back: the blindfold serves for us to not see obstacles, but fortunately we are given two wings to overcome them.

The ideas that prevent us from putting a period at the end of a relationship, are actually many commas and a new paragraph which, far from saving the relationship, prolongs unnecessary suffering that violates our self-esteem. It is therefore important that we consider these concepts:

  • Avoid self-deception, things are not always going to be as we wish. Think about it: you may have forgiven more than necessary to the point of forgetting where your limits were or saying “we tried again” too often without seeing anything different…
  • The other person will not change for you. In reality, people do not change. It is quite possible that they were not as you thought at first, and that is something you should really take into account. Nobody changes their way of being overnight, as much as we wish they would.
  • Suffering for love is not a romantic or heroic act. It is a form of self-destruction. If you were led to believe that having a partner means having to suffer and establish a continuous struggle then you’ve been fooled. Being a couple is knowing how to build and love without the suffering being more than circumstantial.
  • Do not be afraid of loneliness. According to a study conducted at Brigham Young University in Utah, one of the main fears of the population is “being alone”. For many, being in bad company is more preferable than solitude. Never fall into this idea.
woman with arms crossed and hair in the air

Love yourself enough to know when to leave. Loneliness is always preferable to a relationship that prohibits our happiness, our inner balance. Love is not about giving everything for nothing. It is being aware of deserving of recognition and respect. Being loved and loving is an art, it is the skill of cultivating true affection.

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