I've Decided to Forget You

I've Decided to Forget You
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 28 July, 2022

I’ve decided to forget you because I love myself, because I’m tired of being a satellite that revolves around you, lost and without purpose. Tired of being a moon with no inner shine, one that has lost her magic and light.

Why do we sometimes reach these extremes in which we lose our balance and self-esteem for other people? We don’t know how, but something pulls at us until it rips us apart, until it leaves our soul battered and hopeless.

It’s important that you remember that every affectionate emotion is based on living your life next to that person. Never make the mistake of living your life for that person, putting the keys for your happiness in their pockets.

Now, we know that forgetting isn’t easy. In fact, no one has that magic pill with which you can erase every moment of a bad relationship. Forgetting, in fact, is not the solution to all of our soul’s and heart’s pain.

It’s about turning down the volume of those memories, deactivating its importance so that the noise doesn’t keep us from finding our balance and dignity again. Because anyone who makes us forget who we are doesn’t have the right to last a significant amount of time in our memory.

When did I forget myself?

Forgetting involves taking a difficult first step.  It implies a great deal of bravery and emotional maturity when we perceive that we need to leave something that is causing us pain.

No matter how many days go by or how many seasons you see pass by your window, time wont make you forget. But it will help you put things into place, and above all, mature. Because what is truly difficult is to forget someone who made you forget everything.

If you have experienced a relationship like this, in which you realized that you were leaving yourself behind, you’ll know that the road to recovery, inner healing, and finding ourselves again is a hard one. Now, what makes us reach these extremes? Why do we let ourselves get taken away so blindly by this other person?

Codependent relationships

What we do in these relationships is “dilute ourselves” with the person we love until we lose our individuality. The problem lies in that many times we do it by our own free will because we’re completely in love.

Slowly we reach a point that we value the needs of the other person as more important that our own. You’ll be surprised to know that it doesn’t take an imposition from the other person for this to happen.

In popular psychology, they refer to this as Wendy’s syndrome, referring to the character Wendy Darling in the Peter Pan novel. They are generally women who understand love as “the offering of one’s whole self to the other person”, taking care of and caring for their partner while they leave themselves in the background.

Relationships in which “the power” rests with one person

If there’s one member of the relationship that’s in charge of making decisions and prioritizing themselves above the other, an imbalance is generated within the relationship and it’s condemned to suffer. The other person will feel their self-esteem and integrity threatened and will be like a satellite circling the other person. Forgetting arrives progressively and incurably.

face turns into butterflies

Remembering is easy for the memory, forgetting is hard for the heart

Since you have a heart, forgetting will be like pulling up an anchor that doesn’t want you to be free of yesterday’s memories. Sometimes what we look for is not to forget the relationship itself, but to make the person we were before vanish, since they held so little of our essence.

Some relationships make us into people we’re not. They make us fragile, make our value vulnerable and  peddle with our feelings. When you look in the mirror and don’t recognize yourself due to the sadness in your expression, react.

  • Your partner should respect your essence, your light, who you are in all of your nuances.
  • The moment you wish to change one of these things, and you allow it and justify what you’re doing for love, you’ll begin heading towards an abyss.
  • There always comes a time in which you must put what you feel and what you deserve on a scale. If there’re more regrets than happiness, and if you’re aware that you deserve a balance and, above all, happiness, you’ll be brave enough to take the next step.
  • Keep in mind that in reality, it’s not about forgetting every day you experienced in the relationship. It’s about remembering it without it causing you pain, and that is something that you’ll be able to do with time.
woman and bird

It’ll always be harder to forget someone who gave you good memories. If they only provided you with tears and disappointments, let them leave your mind and your heart. Like a splinter finally becoming unstuck, letting you breathe.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.