If You're Searching for Someone to Change Your Life, Look in the Mirror

The only person who can change your life is you.
If You're Searching for Someone to Change Your Life, Look in the Mirror
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 20 October, 2022

You’ve probably spent a great deal of your life looking for that special, magical, and vibrant person to come along and change it. You dream of that special someone who’ll be the answer to all your prayers. Then one day, you find them, just by looking in the mirror.

Most of us are rational scholars. We’re doctorates in the school of a thousand pieces of knowledge and a thousand skills. However, no one has initiated us into the true mastery of life: that of self-knowledge, self-esteem, and emotional intelligence.

“He who conquers others is strong. He who conquers himself is mighty.” 

-Lao Tze-

Curious as it may seem, some people see existence as an eternal emotional pilgrimage. They seek in others what they don’t find in themselves. Because those who haven’t yet discovered their inner beauty expect others to do so. Indeed, if you haven’t yet learned to be self-sufficient, you live like an eternal vagabond, demanding attention and crumb of affection. This impoverishes you even more.

You have to understand that someone won’t always come along and quell your fears, fill your gaps, eliminate your insecurities, and transform you into a brave being. You need to be your own hero. For this, you must recognize yourself as a self-sufficient being, worthy of creating your own life path.

However, you’ll only achieve this by discovering yourself. We suggest you try it in the following way.


Create a positive dialogue with the person in the mirror

Carl Rogers said that the human being is like a lonely island. This means that often, instead of spending your time discovering the riches of your personal environments and accepting their variety and uniqueness, you hide. Nevertheless, only when you’re able to accept yourself as you are, will you be able to build firm and solid bridges to other islands. Toward other people.

In order to achieve this, there’s nothing better than starting up four types of dialogue with the precious being that lives in your mirror and of whom you’re always thinking.

“I’m alone and nobody is in the mirror”

-Jorge Luis Borges-

1. Rational dialogue

To promote this reunion with yourself, you need to start a rational dialogue.

  • Rational dialogue is inquisitive and challenging and its objective is extremely specific. It seeks to wake you up.
  • It means you ask yourself direct questions about your current reality. In this way, you’ll be able to iron out many of the cognitive distortions that take root within you. Here are some examples:
    • “Why do you care so much about presenting a good image to others? “
    • “Why are you so afraid of disappointing your family, friends, and partner?
    • “Why do you think that if you don’t do certain things you’ll be rejected?”
  • To facilitate this kind of internal conversation, you should also ask questions about your short-term and long-term future. For example:
    • How would you like to see yourself in a year?
    • What are you doing to achieve it?
    • What’s preventing you from reaching these goals?
woman with owl

2. Kind dialogue

Next, it’s time to acknowledge your emotions. Those disappointments, deep fears, and bitter frustrations.

Kind dialogue welcomes you with phrases like:

  • I know how you feel, cry if you need to.
  • Don’t be afraid to accept your feelings.
  • You’re not weak because you feel vulnerable right now. In fact, you’re brave because you have the courage to look in the mirror and accept that you don’t feel well. You know you have internal wounds that hurt and you need to vent your feelings. Do it.

3. The voice of values

The beautiful person in your mirror already knows that there are things that must change. It knows that you need to enhance some aspects of your personality. It also understands that there are certain things and people that bring you more sadness than happiness. However, the acceptance of your emotions and their subsequent release will allow you to see things with greater clarity and calm.

After your rational and emotional dawn, comes an important point in your journey to self-discovery. This is the time to remember what your values are.

  • Values configure the calm and serene voice of your conscience. They’re your roots. You mustn’t act against them.
  • To adequately reflect on what your values are, take a blank sheet of paper. On it, make a list with several columns and the following categories:
    • “I am”.
    • “I believe”.
    • “I’m against”.
    • “I defend”.

Spend a few minutes going through this exercise, completing each column. It may well prove to be extremely vitalizing and decisive for you.

woman with owl sixth sense

4. Motivational dialogue

At this stage, the beautiful person in your mirror has come out of the shadows and appears before you. Now, it’s time to take them out of this dimension to embrace them and merge them into you. To become the same brave and determined entity.

  • Motivating dialogue will help you fulfill your purposes, and harmonize your emotions, feelings, and values.
  • You must be able to act according to what you feel through small, firm, and positive self-instructions. Here are some examples:
    • Today, I’ll be able to say ‘yes’ without fear and ‘no’ without guilt. It’s time for me to feel free and sure of myself.
    • I’ll do my best without being so affected by what others say or do. It’s time for me to stop suffering for no reason.

Finally, the special person who lives in your mirror is longing to be visible. They want to have a voice and the freedom to show the world what they’re capable of. You may find it hard to believe but they can achieve many things. As a matter of fact, it’s only them that can change your life.

Images courtesy of Carlee Senior, Brent Holland Studio

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.