I Have Needed More than I Have Loved

I Have Needed More than I Have Loved

Last update: 27 November, 2016

Have I needed or have I loved? Sometimes, we discover that we haven’t really loved. Have you been living a lie then? Have we been lying to the other person as well as to ourselves?

Today we will answer these questions, and we will see where the limit lies between need and love. Or… maybe there is no such dividing line? Does necessity have something to do with love?

Maybe it wasn’t love, maybe it was that small need to feel something different. Something that will make my life special and different for at least a moment.

Love or need?

Love is a feeling that has nothing to do with possession. Now, we know that love is a feeling so strong that it can overcome any barrier imaginable. In fact, we can love someone that doesn’t necessarily have to be with us. Because, as we have mentioned, love doesn’t mean having or possessing.

But, when live with the love of our life, we might find that we are needing them more than loving them. Think about this: Why do you need your partner? In what aspects of your life are they indispensable or when have they been what you have needed? Surely, you will notice that you need your partner for most things in your life.


For example, you may need your partner to take care of the kids, to do the grocery shopping, to pick you up from work, to make dinnerWithout even noticing, sometimes need takes on a much more important role than love.

Love isn’t blind. What’s blind is your need to feel loved and accompanied… and that blind need can even make you be with someone you know you shouldn’t be with.

If this sounds familiar, you must stop and think about whether you still love your partner. Because maybe you have reached a point where you only need them. Do you know what happens when you no longer need them? The relationship starts falling apart and shattering to pieces.

I have needed, but I have also loved

Behind that need, we should see if there are deeper problems such as emotional dependence. This is a problem that we seldom recognize. Yet, it is there, and it undermines the couple little by little.

You can’t keep a healthy relationship going if you only need the other person. We must learn to be alone and not simply be in a relationship to avoid solitude.


Imagine that your partner wants to go out with their friends, but in your necessity to keep them by your side, you get angry or say passive aggressive remarks about their choice to do so. If you pay attention, you are putting your need before your partner. You are being selfish. You are only thinking about yourself.

The best way to be happy with someone is learning to be happy alone. That way, company is a matter of choice, not a necessity. I have needed… have you?

The second that your need exceeds your love, you should analyze and rethink the relationship. We should think about what we are doing wrong. Because, sometimes, we think that needing is the same as loving. And this is not the case at all.

Love in all of its essence

Love is something difficult to define so it can easily become tarnished and blurred, in this case, by need. A necessity that is selfish. A necessity in which we only think about our own well-being.

But, in fact, love is freedom. Love knows no labels or barriers. Love is pure. Try to repress it, try to grab it, and it will be a grave mistake. It is normal for you to need your partner, but maybe that need has nothing to do with love.

Letting go of a person or a situation doesn’t mean you’re ignoring them. Instead you are accepting them without the need to control them. Letting go should be an act of love, not fear.

Ask yourself as many times as you need to: Have I needed more than I have loved? If this is so, it is crucial that you take a step back and start modifying certain attitudes that are leading you to this. Need is a pretty comfortable and pleasant zone, but it is a selfish place.


We must learn to balance love and necessity in order to be happy within our relationships. And we must always think about the other person as well. We have all enjoyed feeling needed at some point, but we enjoy being loved even more.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.