Happiness Rarely Returns to the Scene of the Crime

Happiness Rarely Returns to the Scene of the Crime
Gema Sánchez Cuevas

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas.

Last update: 21 December, 2022

Why do I always end up repeating the same patterns? Why do I always meet the same kind of people? Maybe, unconsciously, I am making the same mistake as everyone else: looking for happiness over and over in the same place where I lost it.

It’s not that happiness is avoiding us. It’s just that it rarely returns to the scene of the crime. Instead of seeing this and stepping our of our comfort zone to seek it in different environments and situations, we keep trying the same thing.

However, it is normal for us to keep disappointing ourselves, to keep finding ourselves in very similar situations and believing that it’s just bad luck. But it’s not bad luck. It’s blindness. A blindness that prevents us from looking at new options, that pushes us to return to places where we know the ending is bad, at least we know the ending.

There are couples who break up and get back together over and over again. Even when both parties know it’s not working. It’s like hitting your head on a wall repeatedly.

Fear leads us to insist on impossible things

Fear of change. We’re sure you’ve heard of this! We are so scared of leaving our comfort zones, and on top of that we have an almost obsessive tendency to create them. When we feel we are comfortable with a situation, we stay there. The very idea that things can be uncomfortable or disappointing means that we tolerate anything that will allow us to stay.

However, in terms of happiness, staying in that comfort zone prevents us from finding well-being and balance. This is because we keep going back to a place that happiness already left instead of following it.


woman with flower

This causes us not to be aware that all those places where we think we are secure hide violence, abuse, disrespect and very painful situations that cause suffering. They cage us off from our long-awaited happiness. However, we continue making the same mistake and returning to the same place.

Reliving the same situation over and over again is painful and can make us feel like we are victims. We make our own decisions. Therefore, we can change anything.

Sometimes, this happens because we get used to living life a certain way. Perhaps by tolerating, by not setting limits, by letting ourselves be carried away by expectations … All this causes us to end up falling into the same trap again. How can we  get out of this? By either opening our eyes or reaching rock bottom in order to get up again.

The tendency not to let go of what does not bring us happiness

With our comfort zone and our habits, there is something else that makes us look for happiness where we lost it. It is the inability to let go and detach ourselves from what hurts us so much. But we cling to it unconsciously.

man and woman

It this because we’re afraid of being lonely? Maybe because we just want to settle down. Are you scared it’s too late  to change? These beliefs are without a doubt negative, they keep us from letting go of what makes us unhappy. What happens when we try to let go? Anxiety overwhelms us.

It may seem like the cure is worse than the disease. But that feeling will not last long and the results, undoubtedly, will be worth it in order to release that heavy load we have been carrying so long.

The funny thing is that in our minds, we usually look for the roads already traveled because we know their twists, turns and potholes. Because maybe everything was fine at first, we were very happy. But, when everything collapses, we look at our past with nostalgia.

“Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is”

-Mandy Hale-

woman and ship

The big question is: is it worth it? We have a limited time in this world that we are wasting, ignoring the signs and our pain. When something does not work we have to try other alternatives or at least rethink when we know for sure that it will not have a happy outcome. Are we actually looking for happiness, or are we just looking to take the safe route?

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.