What Happens When We Don’t Love Ourselves?

· December 27, 2015

How many times have you heard that you should love yourself? The truth is, if you love yourself you can love others. Or at least that’s what they say. What do you think?

If loving yourself is so great, why do we always choose to do the opposite? Who would choose to not love themselves? In this article we’ll be answering both of these questions.

I choose not to love myself

Maybe you’ve never had this happen, but often when faced with a negative situation or moment, we tend to act in an opposite way than what we should. Why do we do that? Do we enjoy hurting and being in pain?

Simply put, it’s a “masochistic” way of facing what has hurt us, and it’s our attempt to have control over it for a moment.

pins in heart

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

— Oscar Wilde


If you choose not to love yourself, maybe it’s because it’s easier to let other people think for you. You think other people are important, but not you. Do you know what causes this?

1. Excuses

You have a thousand and one reasons why you shouldn’t be loved: you don’t deserve it, you’re not important, you’re always the problem, etcetera. These and other excuses keep you from loving yourself and impede others from loving you, too. This slowly submerges you into a deep state of unhappiness.

2. Avoiding risks

At first glance, we may think that avoiding risks is positive, but on the contrary! Avoiding the risk of having friendships or romantic partners to avoid being rejected doesn’t count! It’s part of life to take risks because, what if it works? What if you’re happy?

3. Not moving forward

Getting stuck, staying put out of fear that everything will change — this is a fear that most people experience. Get out of your comfort zone! You feel safe, but you’re not getting anywhere! We’re destined to find something more, to find progress. If there is none, our life begins to lack reason, and how can a person live that way happily?

4. Being a martyr

Besides not loving yourself, you love it when people feel sorry for you. In other words, when they pity you. Does it make you feel better to imagine yourself a martyr?

Behind all that pain you try to feel, is a hidden frustration and an important fear. Instead of taking refuge in the hurtful words of others and feeding off that, change! There are other ways out, so don’t close yourself off, and keep moving forward!

5. Feeling sorry for yourself

After purposefully choosing not to love yourself, you feel sorry for yourself! This serves as an escape route, but how long can this go on? The change, the thought of being different, frightens you.

You need to start facing fear some other way. Try to stop hiding! Don’t look for an escape route; turn around and face whatever it is you’re running from. Now is the time.

sad girl

6. Complaining and protesting

You turn into a person who’s constantly complaining and protesting about everything. But, it’s interesting. Because you don’t ever do anything to solve those situations you complain about. It seems ironic, don’t you know think? What are you waiting for?

7. Trying to be a goody two shoes

You go back in time with the objective of turning into that goody two shoes that all the adults wanted you to be. But perfection doesn’t exist; we’re constantly making mistakes, so striving to be “perfect” is useless. Instead of maturing, you’ll be come more childlike. Is that really what you want?

8. Not living your own life

Who’s going to live your life if not you? Since you don’t feel worthy of being happy, you’re not capable of taking the reins in your own life. You don’t know how to live it, or how to take charge of it. What are you waiting for? Start living your life now.

9. Putting others first

You always feel like other people are more important than you. This will make your life other people’s property. What about having your own life? Aren’t you curious as to what that would be like?

If after reading this article, and you realize that you don’t love yourself, put an end to it. Solve the problem! It doesn’t have one good thing about it, just frustration, sadness and great unhappiness. Your life is yours exclusively. Grab it and live it to the fullest because you only get one. What will you decide?