It is often said that we are our worst judges or that we usually treat others better than ourselves. Most of us demand too much of ourselves, do not forgive ourselves for our faults and find it difficult to be find to ourselves.
Therefore, it is necessary that we learn to love, respect and accept ourselves, as we do with the people around us. By starting with oneself, it makes it easier to extend kindness and compassion to others.
Many people believe they need to be hard on themselves so that they don’t sit around doing nothing. They feel they need strict deadlines to keep moving forward. That’s may be true, and it’s OK to push yourself. The problem is that we often focus and obsess about what we do wrong or what we could improve. We might experiment with being less strict and allowing ourselves to make mistakes from time to time (which would also be a good learning experience).
We appear to others as strong, determined and courageous people, like a superhero or Wonder Woman. Meanwhile, we’re hiding the fact that we are afraid, we have doubts and that we’re unhappy.
This mask or screen we put up doesn’t help us. In fact, it does the opposite because when the time comes when we have to be alone, we become the most unjust, harsh people on the planet and do not allow ourselves to make even the tiniest mistake.
How to start being kind
Saying “I love myself” is not synonymous with narcissism, but merely shows I accept and love myself for who I am. And although this seems to be the most difficult thing in the world to do, it shouldn’t be. Here are a few tips that may help you:
It’s OK to make mistakes
No one is perfect and no one was born knowing it all. Just as it happens to other people, you too make mistakes because you are human. Don’t dwell on your mistakes; don’t make a sea out of a drop of water, put things into perspective.
If there is something in the way you act or speak that you don’t like, pay more attention next time, analyze the situation and determine a way to fix it. What if the same mistake happened to a friend or family member? Convince yourself that the world is not going to stop turning because you messed up, or rather, because you admitted it.
Don’t ignore the pain
Don’t deny the painful feeling of sadness, fear, suffering, despair, depression. Wanting to conceal things from others can work for certain occasions, but there comes a time when you must deal with your feelings and emotions.
We’re able to deal with a best friend feeling bad or when a partner having a bad day, but not with saying “I am sad today” or “I’m depressed” because we want to move far away from that feeling, hide it and not fix it. This only makes matters worse.
Treat yourself the same way you would treat someone you love
Imagine you’re in the kitchen with your little child who wants to help set the table. He takes a glass and it falls to the floor and shatters. What would you say? You might scold him, but if he cuts himself or starts to cry you would comfort him, you’d say that it was an accident, a mistake that could happen to anyone, etc.
Now, what if instead of your son it was you who dropped the glass that broke into a thousand pieces? Surely your first reaction would be to think you’re useless and you can’t do anything right.
Compare both situations and imagine how your child would feel if you told him the same thing you’d tell yourself and how you would feel if you were more understanding as you were with your child.
Having a bad day does not mean that bad luck is here to stay
We all go through moments that we want to forget, ones that hurt us to the point that we don’t feel good at all and it seems as if we’re walking with a black cloud over our head.
Beyond the bad, unfortunate or undesirable things, we are able to successfully overcome and win the battle against the losing streak, bad luck or whatever we want to call it. There are always bright spots even in the worst moments. Give yourself a few minutes every day to think about what things you should be thankful for … you’ll realize that there are several reasons and they are very good!
Do not be your worst enemy, become your best ally and friend instead.