Give Me Wings to Fly and Reasons to Stay

Give Me Wings to Fly and Reasons to Stay
Raquel Aldana

Written and verified by the psychologist Raquel Aldana.

Last update: 14 December, 2021

We must always love in such a way that those we love will  feel free. Love is a bird that cannot be caged. We must give love the freedom to soar, but never let it lose direction. This, of course, is not always easy. No one said it would be, but the reward is worth the effort.

We must free ourselves from any notion that a relationship is like voluntary slavery to which we subject ourselves. A relationship might begin based on love, but, with time, accumulates reasons to dissolve.

In this way, though it is not easy, building a warm and enriching relationship depends on whether or not each person has their own time to spread their own wings, to care for themselves, and have some independence. In other words, only freedom, and never coercion, should be present in a relationship. 

umbrella with hearts give

When we don’t want to fly 

Sometimes our wings, and our motivation to take flight, become diminished and lazy, and we grow accustomed to the routine of being part of a couple. We get used to the peacefulness that this routine offers us, and we relax until this routine becomes monotony. Monotony then grows into boredom, and boredom to apathy. This can cause us to lose ourselves and forget how to rise up and take flight.

Or it may be the case that, instead of being grounded by laziness and routine, our wings are wounded and it hurts to fly. This may be because they were at one time tied down, or maybe they are hurt from desperately fluttering and flapping and crashing against our indifference, causing them to be defeated for a long time.

We can make excuses for ourselves whenever we want, but no reason justifies denying ourselves the chance to spread our wings and fly. In this sense, a couple should help each other, encourage each other to stand tall in their individual lives, and to reach for their own stars. With this support, each will be able to hold their heads up high as they move through the world.

Strong roots make a strong tree 

Helping the tree of our life put down roots does not mean needing to be in control of everything or hoping that what we create survives for eternity. Relationships that are free and healthy are dynamic and constantly changing, just like we as people are in constant transformation. 

To put down roots means to nourish and give sustenance to our feelings. It means to give them air, and let them breathe. In this sense, trust and balance are essential in the task of strengthening our wings and allowing them to work in harmony with our roots.

In other words, if we want a solid and strong relationship, we must let ourselves fly in search of that which will nourish it and keep it healthy and strong. If we don’t, our roots will not receive the nourishment they need to live, which will cause love to perish. 

kids on swings holding hands give

How to give balance to our relationships: flying while gathering reasons

To balance our relationship, we must have good reasons to stay. But, be careful, because having these reasons is not the same as collecting them and throwing them in the attic. These reasons should be made up of loving and caring for every moment that contributes to keeping love alive in every smile, in every gesture.

The tree metaphor helps us to understand the importance of taking care of the little details and not forgetting that in tying ourselves down we lose both perspective and sustenance. In other words, in order to create love we need to cultivate hope. In order to maintain it we must be able to sustain our own decisions and commitment.

We should let our love be able to explain itself, and to grow with freedom. We must let our individuality fly, and support our partner to do the same. We should not enslave ourselves, for that is not what love is.

In conclusion, the roots we put down should be those of freedom, and we should always maintain our ability to fly. They should radiate hope, and breathe confidence and trust. Because, at the end of the day, that is the only way we have to find meaning in what we feel.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.