How to Free Yourself from Toxic People

October 12, 2016

Toxic people are those people around you who dominate and control you, paying no attention to your needs and feelings. They are focused on themselves and do not seem to be interested in you at all. They seem to see other people as tools instead of integral, autonomous beings.

You may ask yourself, then, “Who could put up with that?” Well, unfortunately, there are people who put up with it, sometimes for years or their lives.

How to identify toxic people around you

Toxic people blind people who have low self-esteem, because when someone does not resemble you, it is hard for you to put yourself in their shoes. Faced with that emotional situation, it is very difficult for you to know if a person is toxic, and it even makes you ask yourself what you did wrong to make them mad.

This is an ideal situation for the toxic person. They are not worried about breaking off the relationship or your feelings; they inflate their ego with your self-esteem.

What did I do wrong? You will wonder. Well, according to the toxic people in your life, you are not worth anything. Everything that is going wrong is your fault. You adopt that vision so completely that you do not even realize that you are not listening to the self-evaluating voice in your head.

Emotional situations like depression or anxiety sometimes end up showing up because we have toxic people around us, be this our partner, family, friends, or coworkers.

How do I free myself from toxic people?

You do not have to ask permission to distance yourself from them. You have to improve your self-esteem and finally free yourself from these harmful people, no matter how much it hurts at first. Stop watching your life pass by and take the reins to avoid falling into an endless spiral.

If your self-esteem is at rock bottom, it will take a while for you to heal, but you have already taken the first essential step.

When you are aware that your self-evaluation is starting to get a low grade, there are some truths to hang to:

  • You cannot depend on praise from others to value yourself. We would live in a wonderful world if we were all walking around saying how much we appreciate each other. But how often have people said things like this? When was the last time you went somewhere and someone told you, “You look so good!” or “You are a fascinating person” or “I love your smile, it brightens my day”?
  •  When you spend a lot of time comparing yourself with others, you can easily build up a rather terrible image of yourself. Everyone’s situation seems better when seem from the outside, but each of us has our own problems.
  • You can trust your instincts. Doubt likes to beat on your self-esteem. Not feeling like you can trust your own decisions or perceptions can make you feel defective. This is when the snowball of judgment starts rolling.

Pay full attention

You may have heard of full attention: this is observing your thoughts and feelings at the moment and accept them as they are, without judgment.

There is a way to practice full attention throughout the day. It is important to hit the breaks when you start being your own judge. When you have anxious thoughts, imagine a large stop sign. Then you have to tell yourself, “You do not have to evaluate yourself right now. This is not a test. It is not necessary to constantly set goals at the end of the day that you have to fulfill. You just have to live.”

Toxic people would hate this mantra and it will make you love yourself even more. Toxic people do not appreciate you, which is why they do not want you to appreciate yourself, either. They need you to ignore your needs and desires so that you can dedicate all your time to their needs and desires. They use intimidation to achieve this. You are a whole being, a valuable person deserving of love and respect.

Stop walking on eggshells and have the courage to distance yourself from those toxic people. Your true friends and loved ones appreciate you for who you are and will never make you feel unworthy or insignificant. The only thing that is useless is exposing yourself to toxic people. Be happy now! You do not have to wait any longer!