Finding Support in a World Full of Turned Backs

November 20, 2016

Sometimes our bravery gets rusty and almost without knowing how, we are overcome by discouragement. That’s when we need support the most, and that’s also when people most turn their backs on us. Until suddenly, someone says those magic words that have the ability to heal: “I’m here with you”, “Everything is going to be okay”, “Don’t worry”.

Support is that core value that goes beyond a simple social conscience or solidarity towards our peers. Supporting means to correspond with affection. It means to materialize our empathy into aid. It implies backing someone up in emotions and in those actions in which true affection lies. The most complicit and integral kind of affection.

I’ll be there with you, supporting you at all times. I will be the joy behind your smiles. The hand that pulls you up when you have fallen so far, you don’t even remember to love yourself. Don’t forget it, you’ll always have me by your side through the tough times. Because during the good times, anyone could be there for you.

It’s interesting how we all, in some way, see ourselves as strong and invulnerable creatures with golden armor. Nevertheless, every warrior falls during battle every once in a while. And we’re not any weaker for asking for help. We are all grateful for a helping hand during times of adversity.
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Emotional support, the sincere language of the heart

Support is at times a language that speaks in different tongues. Some people don’t know how to ask for it. They hold back, are silent, hide and move on with a broken soul and a mind inhabited by despair. Others, however, don’t know how to give it. They limit themselves to offering those patches of harshness where “That’s not a big deal” or “You worry too much” fill their mouths in order to try to please others and get it over with quickly.

Emotional support should speak the same language as the heart of the person in need. You must “tune into” it. In order to do this, we need two basic dimensions. The sincere desire to connect with the person you have in front of you, and the right skills to offer that help, that comfort, that closeness.

In a world where so many people have turned their backs, we should get used to looking at people face on. Our kids yearn for that everyday support that at times is simply nurtured with “being there”. By showing them that they are unique, special and marvelous. Support is also the quality of providing light when someone is overcome by their own darkness…

Supporting your loved ones, a bond of strength

Mutual support in our relationships is like that bridge that you can use to get through the difficulties of your life with greater security. Above all, not giving up so that together you can accomplish what you couldn’t by yourself. It also obviously means continuing to love each other even when we least deserve it.

When your world comes crashing down, come to mine… We will rebuild it piece by piece, fiber by fiber, so that nothing is missing, so that none of what makes you unique ever gets lost again.

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Supporting the person we love requires a subtle but profound wisdom that we should all propitiate and practice. We offer you a few simple strategies to reflect upon:
  • You should be respectful with the emotions and feelings of your partner. Always choose an “I understand” or an “I’m here with you” instead of a “that’s not a big deal”.
  • Maintain physical contact, speak the language of caresses and hugs. Take your partner’s hand when they are speaking to you. Always grant sincere caring and affection, a close and authentic empathy.
  • Never use irony or mockery towards your partner, no matter how innocent these may seem to you. Not in private, and even less so in public.
  • Never postpone a conversation, if your loved one wants to tell you something important, don’t leave it for another time. The best moment is always now.

The pleasure of knowing that you’ll always be there

In a society more used to turning their backs than giving hugs, we must start to change these mentalities. We need to learn the unique, marvelous and healing language of support.

To support means, above all, to lift a person onto our shoulders in order to place them on higher ground. In order to help them be able to see other perspectives for themselves. Other paths that will allow them to get out of their current difficulties. Good support is one that allows us to grow, not one that humiliates in a paternalistic way, reminding us of the errors we’ve committed, or the wounds we’ve suffered.

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It is also a pleasure knowing that we can count on those wise people that know how to be there when we need them. People don’t ask for anything in return and who accept us completely, with our virtues and our defects. With our obsessions and defenselessness.

Also remember that it is not your beliefs that make you a better person, it’s your actions. Thus, if you have those people in your life who keep sunlight in their hearts and fairy dust in their pockets, treat them with reciprocity. Support them when they need it, accompany them, take care of and pick them up so that they may also see over your shoulders. Help them see new horizons. Ones that harbor new opportunities during times of hardship.