Seven Signs That You're Biromantic

You might find yourself attracted to a person of a different gender, romantically, but not sexually. This is an intense emotional connection and could be subject to certain relational challenges. Find out more here.

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 29 August, 2023

The universe of affection is immense, multi-dimensional, and full of wonderful nuances. So much so that our ability to be romantically attracted to others may even differ from our sexual orientation. One example of this is being biromantic. It means feeling affection and emotional attraction to people of multiple genders: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and non-binary.

This opens up a new psycho-affective narrative, in which attraction excludes the variable of sexual desire. However, the feelings are no less deep, enriching, and authentic.

That said, being biromantic can prove to be a personal challenge and subject to relational misunderstanding. We’re going to explore this topic, clarify its concepts, and offer some useful strategies.

What does it mean to be biromantic?

Biromanticism is a new term that defines a psycho-affective behavior that’s always existed in the field of human relations. The label of biromantic allows us to name this kind of behavior with which many people identify. In fact, this concept is often the subject of many Google searches.

Being biromantic means feeling an extremely intense emotional connection to someone else, regardless of their gender, and with no feelings of sexual desire. But, is this possible? After all, the traditional (and often biased) idea is that romantic attraction and sexual desire always go hand in hand.

However, scientific literature clarifies this distinction and the possibility of experiencing emotional and sexual connection separately.

Neuroscience provides information in the complex universe of affective and sex-affective relationships. For example, a study published in the journal, Psychological Science states that romantic love and sexual desire are different experiences with different neurobiological substrates. Next, we’re going to explore the signs that suggest you may be biromantic.

1. You like someone, but not in a sexual way

If you’re biromantic, you’ll probably find you’re intensely attracted to someone but don’t feel sexual desire for them. The link is only mental, emotional, and affective, regardless of gender. You have your own sexual identity and sometimes experience a special and captivating closeness to others of a different gender and sexual inclination.

2. You feel intense emotional affinity, but not physical

If you’re a biromantic, you have the ability to see the most beautiful aspects of being human. You look beyond sex and gender. As a rule, your relationships are built with intense emotional and intellectual affinity. There’s harmony in your values, tastes, and passions and, although your feelings don’t reach the physical realm, you feel real admiration for the other person.

In the absence of sexual attraction, these ties are dominated by serotonin and, above all, by oxytocin. A study conducted by Waseda University (Japan) indicates that this hormone promotes the social and emotional connection that’s so important for us, as humans.

3. Your fantasies aren’t sexual

As a biromantic, you fantasize about the person you’re attracted to. However, these dreams don’t reach the physical or sexual plane. They’re dominated by company, complicity, affection, and mutual care. This is the kind of love based on admiration and a deep connection that transcends the physical.

4. You often consider having more than one relationship

You know that many people around you wouldn’t understand, but you might consider the practice of polyamory. In this case, you consider how enriching it’d be to have a partner with whom you’re emotionally and sexually in tune along with someone else you’re only attracted to romantically.

5. Your feelings for your partner don’t change

This is perhaps the most controversial and problematic aspect of being biromantic. You have a partner but feel romantic attraction to other people. Despite this fact, your feelings of love and sexual desire for the man or woman with whom you share your life don’t change. It’s a solid and genuine bond.

But, you may find yourself in situations when your partner expresses discomfort, suspicion, and even jealousy over your romantic orientation. They may even process it as a threat to your relationship with them.

6. Sometimes, you feel lost or confused

A common effect of biromanticism is doubting your sexual identity. This can frequently bring up feelings of confusion, intimidation, and even shame throughout your life. Moreover, you might find yourself asking the following:

• “Is what I’m feeling really love?”
• “Why do I like that person, but don’t want them sexually?”
• “If I have these feelings for someone of the same sex, does that mean that I’m of a different sexual orientation?”

Clarifying your sexual identity may not be easy. Research published in the journal, Frontiers in Psychology, claims that sexual minorities such as queer, pansexual, and LGBT+ groups still carry numerous stigmas.

Therefore, identifying as a biromantic involves self-discovery, and understanding and accepting it may be difficult.

7. It’s taken you a long time to understand biromanticism

You might’ve spent hours searching the Internet and specialized forums. Maybe you hadn’t heard of the term before but you sensed that others also felt the same way as you. So, when you finally identified and clarified it, you felt relief, but also curiosity. Now, what you want most is to meet other biromantics to lean on.

Some tips if you’re biromantic

Affectivity has many forms and languages. Bear in mind that the romantic orientation of an individual doesn’t necessarily coincide with their sexual one. This helps us understand the complexity of the mechanisms of attraction and how the variable of sex doesn’t have to even be present.

Clearly, being biromantic isn’t easy, to the extent that many people choose to hide and repress this tendency. But this only causes suffering. If you’re biromantic, you might also find it difficult to maintain a sexual affective relationship, while you have, in parallel, a biromantic bond. What can you do in these situations? Here’s some advice:

• To have healthy and happy relationships you must set boundaries and come to agreements.
• You must understand that many of your partners won’t understand what it means to be biromantic.
• Bear in mind that your life will be defined by both affective sexual relationships and non-sexual romantic relationships.
• Celebrate your romantic orientation without fear by developing your relationship, taking on common challenges, and respecting your mutual needs.
• Make contact with groups of biromantics, organizations, and online groups through which you can learn, clear up any doubts, and extinguish fears and insecurities.
• You must always inform your potential partners (romantic or sexual) that you’re biromantic and what it implies.
• Sincere communication will be the cornerstone that defines every one of your relationships. A study published in the journal, Frontiers in Psychology, specifies that any positive and enriching bond always starts from this dimension.

Self-acceptance and biromanticism

Finally, you can’t hide or repress your romantic orientation. So, you must combine self-awareness with self-acceptance. That’s the best starting point.

Romantic and sexual orientations are extremely personal and can vary from person to person. We should always make sure we respect them and get to know each other better. Sometimes, labels like biromantic allow us to name what we feel. As such, they’re both essential and welcome.